Son

Computer games don't affect kids, I mean if PacMan affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive music. ~ Gareth Owen

On to child number two...my son. The child is a MESS...and I mean that in the most loving way imaginable. He is snuggly, wild, intelligent, headstrong, sensitive, loving, witty, perfectionistic...and apparently FAIR since he is being honored today (Friday) as the 3rd grade student of the month representing the character trait of 'fairness'. I guess we are doing SOMETHING right around here. However, far more often than not, the boy has me shaking my head, futilely acknowledging that I have given up the present battle. He comes to my room many days after school, when I am READY for some "down time" after wrangling 1st graders all day. Contrary to my mental state, he is READY TO GO...not to a destination...just ready to move, make noise...anything boisterous. After sitting still and quiet all day, he is about to BURST! But if he is well-behaved and studious all day, I shouldn't complain. I love him fiercely...from that blond hair to the very tip of his toes. His smile melts my heart. He has a wide array of interests for a 9 year old who thinks he is a teenager deserving of all the rights, privileges, and freedom of a teenager. He has a sharp wit about him that sometimes leaves me in shock. During soccer season he and I were at a varsity game. A student of mine had entertained us all by fessing up to her family that she had accidentally said a bad word. The mom (trying to avoid getting into the specifics of 'the word' in the stands) said that they would talk about what she had said later. At that, the child stated, "I said 'shit'." Yes, the parents were ALL trying NOT to react and to keep the giggles under control. At the end of the game the child was complaining that she was thirsty and needed a drink. Knowing the child, I told her that the reason she was so thirsty was because saying bad words makes you thirsty. Out of nowhere Son appeared and busted me: "That's not true...you never complain about being thirsty or having a dry mouth." I was now the brunt of the giggles from the other parents. Yes, he knew EXACTLY what he was doing the entire time. Yup, he comes by it naturally...I even laughed myself. He strives to do well in school...all work must be done well and on time. He's probably afraid NOT to after witnessing all the drama that we sometimes face concerning his sister's work ethics. He plays soccer and basketball...baseball, not surprisingly, is too slow for him....he's a fast-paced kind of guy. The only time he "walks" is in school DURING regular school hours. Otherwise, he is running, jumping, skipping...ALL BOY ALL THE TIME! He has recently taken up hunting with my brother. He loves spending time with his uncle, being outside, and handling the weapons. I'm sure he likes the killing aspect as well (although I try not to think about that). Winter is the season of the XBOX. Like a bear, he hibernates in his room (aka the cave) and plays games with online "friends". He is technologically savvy, blasting away at zombies and Lord knows what else while blaring this iPod. Typically, he plays one song over and over and over until I finally explode. He recently had Ethel and I laughing while discussing one game he and Son of Ethel play. I am not proud to say that Son has a Grand Theft Auto game. It's a long story as to how it came to be and it is one battle that I have lost. ANYWAY, in this particular game, the gamer can kill prostitutes (please, no comments on this one). He was talking about playing this game and I asked if Son of Ethel killed the prostitutes. He matter-of-factly told me that Son of Ethel did not because he didn't know how to use them as a shield and toss them. No, I didn't laugh in front of him, and it wasn't a regular laugh - it was one of those "laugh in disbelief" kind of laughs...the kind where you are astonished because you have just heard something that you never thought you'd ever hear. I console myself by thinking that he is taking a moral stand against prostitution...yes, I know I'm kidding myself. ;) The kid also LOVES art! One of his favorite gifts for Christmas was his art kit filled with paint, pastels, colored pencils, paper, etc. all in a box that converts into an easel. He has had school artwork featured in the county school art show a few times. One night at Ethel's he and one of her daughters (his partner in crime...we refer to them as the double D's b/c both their names begin with D) spent HOURS outside on the porch IN THE COLD, mind you, creating. It was definitely one of those "ah, look at how entertained they are by a positive activity...we're doing a stellar job as parents" kind of moments. Summer is HIS season...he and I live for the beach. I live for the warmth and the sunshine and my summer friends while he lives for the surf. The boy is a fish and stays in the water just about all day surfing, boogie boarding, swimming, snorkeling...if he's not in the water (which is rare), he is eating or walking with the pack of kids that we have in tow (the kids ALWAYS outnumber the adults...one day there were over 20 kids in our group and MAYBE 6 adults). He loves to be at the dock to see the daily catch and to wash his daddy's boat. The mate usually gives him some cash for helping...man, is he proud of that money he's earned. Plus it helps him feed his XBOX addiction. Unlike his sister, I have no idea what he hopes to be when he grows up. He is too much on the move to ponder that one. Thanks to my niece and his dedication to picking on us, he claims to be a Duke fan. He's lucky we still provide shelter, food, and clothing (JUST KIDDING). However, he dons Carolina clothing, paired with surf attire, most of the time. He says he likes both and still hasn't learned that it is impossible to do that (ha ha...we are constantly joking around this place). In addition to his WILD side, he is compassionate, loving, and well-mannered. His eyes sparkle. He is generous with hugs and will still snuggle with me. Sometimes we both snuggle up and read together (separate books at this point). I love him to the moon and back...infinitely.

Daughter

Adolescence is a period of rapid changes. Between the ages of 12 and 17, for example, a parent ages as much as 20 years. ~Author Unknown

It's amazing to me how infinite love is. I absolutely adore my daughter with every ounce of my being, yet still have enough love for so many others. Since it has been such a long time since I've written, I'm going to "borrow" from a friend and fellow blogger and highlight each of my
children. Daughter goes first for two reasons: 1) birthright and 2) she reaches another milestone tomorrow [her FIRST day of the driving portion of Driver's Ed]. I am excited, scared, and in complete disbelief that I have a child on the threshold of being an official driver!! When I think back over the past 15 years I cannot help but think about the movie Parenthood. It's one of my all-time favorites and I often quote it in my everyday life. The scene to which I refer at this moment is when the grandmother is talking about the roller coaster: "You know, it was just so interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick, so excited, and so thrilled all together! Some didn't like it. They went on the merry-go-round. That just goes around. Nothing. I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it." I know exactly how she feels. Each day is a new adventure filled with a wide range of emotions. Without further rambling, Daughter is in the 9th grade and 15 years old. She is still my sunshine even though I wouldn't embarrass her by saying it publicly. She does well in school, plays in the bands [clarinet for marching and high school bands; saxophone for the jazz band], plays volleyball in the fall, and plays basketball [this year she played both varsity and jv due to #'s] in the winter. She makes me laugh and I love to spend time with her. Lately, our "thing" is to veg out in front of the tv during the weekends watching stuff we DVR or something (usually lame) from Netflix. We always watch The Big Bang Theory and SNL. We like to bash Zac Bagans on Ghost Adventures. Probably not the BEST thing we could be doing, but it's winter and we are on the go all week between all the activities. At this stage of the game I am thankful that she still will spend so much time with me. I hope we are truly as close as I think we are. We talk pretty openly...probably shockingly to some, but I firmly believe that open conversation is key in parenting a teen. One thing we don't do so well together is shop. I do not know why, but somewhere during a shopping excursion, there is going to be a disagreement. It's a given. She loves the Heels, but doesn't plan to go there. She has her sights set on State. Yes, my blood runs blue, but her happiness is my happiness. She is a text-aholic as most teens are. I love her giggle, her purposely mismatched socks, and the feisty look she gets on her face when she's playing defense against an Amazon. She loves unicorns, Skittles, Salt-n-Vinegar chips, pepperoni out of the package, and Pepsi. She occasionally wears makeup, is best friends with the flat iron (even though it is not even close to being curly...well, maybe a little wavy), takes marathon showers (with the music blaring...she ruined the remote control that came with her boom box that plays her iPod...is it even CALLED a boom box these days?), says exactly what's on her mind, and is generous with hugs. She eats venison with her uncle. In the summer she is a research assistant with Gayle Plaia from State. She collects and records data and samples of oysters. I love to watch her when she is in her 'scientist' mode. She auditioned for District Band last year which totally amazed me...she is sooooo much like me when it comes to public events. Although she did not make the band, I was incredibly proud of her for trying. She auditioned again this year AND MADE IT! I am so excited about the concert in Greenville on Feb. 5. I am in awe of her. She is strong-willed and tenacious, loving and tender-hearted. Her sense of humor fits in perfectly in this household...so much so that sometimes I worry about what she might say in public. Her musical taste is varied. Sometimes I like it and download it to my personal iPod, other times it makes me want to freak out (yes, that would be the genre that contains what I call GROWLING). Rap, country, oldies (for her generation that is music from MY generation), growling...just to name a few. New Year's Eve was different this year as she went to a band party (supervised by a fellow band parent, of course...I know what I was up to at 15 and that is not gonna happen around here - not that she displays ANY sign of wanting to go out and get into "mischief"). And yes, I have punctuated the best...rest assured, it's not all happiness and fun...we have our fair share of wicked times where we both act less than civil (Hubby will be laughing about my written description about this one). Another thing I have learned about mothering is the intense emotion that can erupt and burst forth because of wanting the absolute best for a child...my "rages" are spurred by the deep passion I have for her to succeed in her endeavors. I am sure some of my best will be shared among friends in college while she and her friends swap stories of their lame parents. Having experienced this myself, I know that it will basically be an odd form of flattery. I love her more than chocolate....and tomorrow my baby drives. I will age 20 years JUST TOMORROW! (I began this yesterday and didn't get a chance to post...rather than alter it, I am just adding this addendum...SHE DRIVES IN LESS THAN 2 HOURS!)

Day of Discontent

Now is the winter of discontent. ~ William Shakespeare

Don't know why, but I woke up a grouch and have pretty much remained a grouch. Once it started, it snowballed. I have been near tears most of the day: my foul mood, some junk at work, friends dealing with sickness...although the sun was out, it was a dreary day. Today was the kind of day that I yearned to be one of those people that clearly don't care about anything. How lovely it would be to adopt the "I don't give a shit" attitude. OK...I know I'm wandering. My silver lining (prior to stepping over the threshold of my haven) was the end of my work day. It was fabulous....and NO, not because I was leaving. It was constructive, fun, and offered a glimmer of hope for repairing a less than stellar situation. Before I go back downstairs to socialize with the fam, I am going to try to turn this melancholy day into something a bit more positive. So, I am going to end this entry with a quote of positivity. Yes, this is an oddity for me and my cynical outlook, but I'm attempting to lift my spirits for those that truly matter most.

Restlessness is discontent and discontent is the first necessity of progress. ~ Thomas A. Edison

Old Friend

"The best things in life come in threes, like dreams, friends, and memories." ~ unknown

Recently, the friend who introduced me to the world of blogging, began blogging again. As I read through her words, I realized how much I'd missed her words. Then, I began thinking about this blog. As I visited my dear friend (yes, this blog), I forgot how much I used her to express my joys, disappointments, memories, random rants, etc. I smiled while reminiscing. How in the world did I EVER stop this?! It's sad how life gets in the way of living sometimes. So, at this moment, I am rededicating myself to this blog. My mission is to create an entry...uh-oh, this is the scary part where I have to actually make a commitment to a specific number of times I plan to write and hope that it becomes more than that...hmmm...should I set an attainable goal or one that will really challenge me? OK...I've always been up to a challenge...my goal is to post once per week. Now that it's in writing, it's a done deal...and look, I've already posted once this week! YAY ME!

Whiny McWhiner

"All I want is a little of the good life
All I need is to have a good time, oh, the good life" ~ Three Days Grace

I have an incredible life: a loving family, stability, food, shelter, and enough to indulge every now and then (although my definition of "indulge" is probably less indulgent than most would consider "indulgent"). Having said that, I know enough about myself to realize that when things don't go my way or the way I expect, I am severely disappointed and can easily sink into the doldrums...my own personal pity party. I can quickly and easily enumerate every "not-so-good" aspect of my life...mundane things. Why do I do this? Not sure...human nature? Case, in point, my attachment to the Three Days Grace song quoted above. I have so much, but my pity party has me clinging to these lyrics. In preparing for what I thought would be a new chapter of my life, I became reacquainted with this blog and renewed my dedication to it. Maybe that was THE PLAN the entire time...so I would renew my passion for journaling. Maybe the anticipation for the new chapter was meant to make me reflect on my life...which is what I do when I write this blog. I'm not sure why I was tempted by something new, only to find out that it could not happen. Well, it COULD have happened had I been willing to make certain concessions that I just couldn't bring myself to do. Now I am fearful that the new choice I've made (essentially staying with the status quo) is still not the right choice. I was excited about the change...it would have been challenging, yet exhilarating to tackle something new. I had clung to the pros on my "pros and cons" list of why to accept the new...now that the new is not going to happen, the cons are what make the tears flow...they are written in my mind in Sharpie...not a fine pointed one...a BIG THICK-TIPPED, HORRIBLY SCENTED one...and they race through my mine like a stock ticker. With so much to be thankful for and all the blessings I've been granted, I am disgusted with myself for being Whiny McWhiner. I recently read This I Believe II. It is a series of essays written by a wide array of people expressing their belief on life. Some are quite funny and others are so unfathomably heart wrenching. The entire time I was reading, I was thinking what I believe. I believe in THE PLAN. I cannot remember if I've written it on here or if it was just something I composed elsewhere and have since lost, but I honestly believe that there is a PLAN...when looking at the large picture of life, the bad and good things in life (those that occur on a larger scale...not the small events in daily life like breaking a nail...but a death or a disappointment or getting married) are created to prepare for future events. The events are delicately intertwined...like a well-choreographed ballet or musical piece. The sensible part of me knows and believes that this disappointment is merely part of THE PLAN. There IS a reason for this. For now, though, waiting for time to reveal THE PLAN, is hurting me emotionally. Ridiculous, I know. I keep saying that my pity party is over...and I believe it until I start thinking about the whole situation. Then I get angry for feeling this way because there are so many other problems people deal with each day...this is a big fat nothing. I HATE DISAPPOINTMENT!!!!!!!!

Photographs

One picture is worth 1,000 denials. ~ Ronald Reagan

I love photographs. I love posting photos online. I love perusing photos. I'm not saying that I've never been doing less than stellar things in photographs. I don't know if it's the wisdom that comes with age or just common sense that makes me shake my head when I look at photos posted on numerous social sites with young girls making vulgar suggestions (you know what I'm talking about...the V held up to the lips with the tongue dangling out). OK...so now I'm probably sounding like Andy Rooney (I can hear his whining voice echoing in my head as I type), but I have a few comments to make about these pics. ALL media warns about the types of "things" people put out on the web. Colleges and employers police social media sites. Do these girls (and, yes, I am being gender specific since the MAJORITY of pictures I see involve girls making these gestures) KNOW what they are gesturing? I tend to think NOT because of the audience these pictures reach. Do they forget that among the plethora of people they do not know on their FRIENDS list, they are also FRIENDS with adults in the community? Pictures my friends and I took that included any of our more illicit adventures were NOT for adult viewing. In fact, photos of poorer choices have met one of two fates: destruction or storage in highly secret locations. Yes, I know I could NOT look or I could even (gasp) delete these people from my FRIENDS, but as a parent of a teen, I DO like being able to see what is going on in my community. Now that my rant is over, I am heading back to my social network of choice so I can shake my head in horror at more of these pics.

Time marches on and sooner or later you realize it's marching across your face." ~ Truvy Jones (aka Dolly Parton in Steel Magnolias)

Hubby writes his daily fishing report each day using blogspot.com. I happened to notice all the nifty colors and backgrounds available and decided to beautify my blog...I was AMAZED to see that I hadn't posted here since 2008!!!! I don't know how I got out of the habit of pondering life on my blog...perhaps it was my new obsessions with MySpace and ultimately Facebook, my busy life, maintaining my school blog....whatever the reason, beautifying my blogs has re-ignited my interest in documenting and reflecting upon my life through my blog. I even think I can link to my Facebook page....but I guess I'd have to trade anonymity for that...we'll see (I suppose I'm already succumbing to that by linking to Hubby's page to shamelessly promote his business-ha ha). Please be patient while I get back into the groove of my writing style....I'm a bit rusty.

School Daze

What some invent the rest enlarge. ~ Jonathan Swift

Can't say that I am not guilty of passing along rumors. I'm sure most of us are guilty of this as well. Therefore, realize that the tone of this is not anger or anything along those lines. Basically, I'm just setting the record straight. Yes, she went to the office. Yes, she sat in the ISS room, but was not IN ISS. No, she is not in trouble. Sorry to let folks down, but, NO, she was not in a fight. She was not sent home from school. Hubby went to school to discuss the situation. She chose to leave rather than deal with all of the questions once she returned to class. Am I going to elaborate? Not here.

Not Sure What to Call THis ONe

“We cannot tell the exact moment a friendship is formed; as in filling a vessel drop by drop, there is at last a drop which makes it run over; so in a series of kindnesses, there is at last one that makes the heart run over.” ~ unknown

I have suspected for weeks that a friend has been purposefully avoiding me. Then, I even questioned if I was imagining things, tying together an odd assortment of events that really led to nothing. However, I discovered last night that my suspicions were true. I don't know how to repair the situation. We haven't had a fight. We haven't done anything malicious to each other. In fact, the cause of it, from what I understand, is something I cannot undo....and wouldn't. I am fearful that I know the exact moment this friendship took a major blow, unlike the quote above. I honestly do not know how to remedy the situation....guess I'll think on this one for a bit. I miss our friendship and despise the awkwardness that is apparent.

It's a Family Tradition

I'm just carryin' on a family tradition. ~ Hank Williams, Jr.

As I was strolling down the hallway of my school on Tuesday, I noticed the new first grade display: a paper quilt detailing each first grader's Thanksgiving traditions. It is precious....bulletin board paper with hand print turkeys surrounding colorful squares of paper created by each first grader. I searched for Son's. We had been asked to discuss our holiday traditions at home prior to this activity. We talked about the different family members who gather together (usually averaging around 20) and the food we eat. I was confident he would have no problem recollecting the details of our holiday. Imagine my surprise when I find the paper with his name on it with a sentence that reads something along the lines of "My family plays cornhole toss and then we jump on a trampoline." WHAT?! I checked the name on the paper at LEAST three times!! Cornhole toss? I'd never heard of it let alone played it! As far as I knew the word 'cornhole' was synonymous with 'butt hole'!!! Jumping on the trampoline?! We don't own one! Perhaps one year there was jumping, but for most of the boy's life we have eaten at the community building to accommodate our large family: no trampoline! I finally looked up this 'cornhole toss' and find that it is a real activity....nothing to do with butt holes. However, it is still not part of our Thanksgiving repertoire. Perhaps Son is just a visionary like George Costanza's father, the creator of Festivus; rather than continue with the honored tradition of Thanksgiving, we shall now have Cornhole Toss. The Feats of Strength associated with Festivus will be replaced with the Trampoline Jump. I shudder to think what menu items Son will adopt for this holiday. To top it all off, we will have the Liar Liar Pants on Fire portion which Son apparently has mastered. So, family members, enjoy this year's traditional Thanksgiving as it is being replaced by Son's version. Cornhole toss......classic. This is one story that will become part of MY Thanksgiving tradition, "Do you remember the year Son told his first grade class that we play cornhole toss?"

GGGGGGOOOOOTTTTTTT IIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!

I CAN'T EVEN FIND A QUOTE!!!! I GOT IT!!!!!!

The Power

Make people wait for what they want, and you have power over them. ~ unknown

I honestly believe that this is the secret motto of National Board. I submitted my portfolio in March. Then, I took the written test at the assessment center. Since that time I have progressed through many stages:

1. Thank God it's over. I don't give a crap about it any longer!!!

2. Gee, I think I did a good job. I think I may just have a chance.

3. I suck! I am a loser and will not get it. (I alternate between 2 and 3 quite often depending on the level of self-loathing I am experiencing.)

4. I don't care if I ever see the damn scores now that I'm done.

5. Hmm.....aren't those scores due soon?

6. What?! November 21st? Where does it say that? How long do I have to wait? WHEN are they actually going to post the date?!

7. Is it okay to check the site for news of the release date 20 times a day? Do I need to consult professional help for OCD?

Until finally at 4:30-ish today.......

8. The date is posted. It IS tomorrow. I'm going to puke!!!

And that, my friends, is where I stand NOW! My stomach has been a bit uneasy most of the day. I am officially nauseous now. I could easily vomit. As much as I want to know, I DON'T want to know. The scores are available mid-morning tomorrow. I have sworn to myself that I refuse to look while the students are there. I remember last year how sad it was to see excellent teachers not achieve certification. Understandably, they were devastated and had to leave school. I do not want to be seen hysterical (which I'm sure I will be if the result is less than 275). BUT.....can I really make myself wait until after school? I say I can, but do I really have that much willpower? Since there are so many of us waiting, it's tricky to know how to act. How do we let our colleagues know? Joy took the day off. Kinda wish I'd done that now, but I didn't want to needlessly use a day off.....especially since I wasn't completely sure the scores WERE coming tomorrow. I also despise writing lesson plans. It's easier to be in school as opposed to writing DETAILED lesson plans explaining a day's events. So...by this time tomorrow I will know one way or another. I guess I will be back tomorrow to share my news. Until then........

Waiting and Waiting and Waiting

The waiting is the hardest part...~Tom Petty

My new obsession? I guess that should be plural b/c there are two main new ones. One would be my Facebook. I loved MySpace until I got on Facebook and found a bunch of old friends. Now I can't stay away...checking out everyone's quotes, seeing the pics, and sending around flowers, drinks, etc.

The other obsession? Checking the National Boards site to see if they are letting us know the release date of the scores. Is once a day enough? NO! Have they given the smallest hint? NO! All the site says is "on or before Dec. 31, 2008". Local scuttlebutt says that Nov. 21 is the big date. 9AM on a Friday. Can I really wait until after school to check? Should I take the day off? I do not want to ruin my day with my students by reading bad news at 9AM. I really don't know if I can restrain myself until I am out of there. I don't think I want to take a full day off. If I do receive bad news, I will be worthless, though. Oh, what to do, what to do. All this waiting and wondering is really starting to get to me. Yeesh!

Another Milestone

Wiggle it, pull it, wrap it up tight...
Put it under the pillow, there'll be money there tonight! ~ unknown

Early in the summer Son revealed to us that he had a big tooth "coming in". One of the front ones on the bottom. He was excited, but right away all we could think about was the fact that none had come out and it would certainly mean the "baby" tooth would need to be extracted. Thanks to my trip to Myrtle Beach, the dental appointment had to be moved to the 30th of July which (THANKFULLY) has given us a few extra weeks for him to get that tooth out. TA DA! Today was the day! The first tooth has now fallen out! Now we just wait for the visit from the Tooth Fairy. :-D

Never Wanted Nothing More

Well I'm what I am and I'm what I'm not
I'm sure happy with what I've got
I live to love and laugh a lot
And thats all I need ~ Kenny Chesney lyrics

I've recently spent some quality time with Ethel....a rarity in our lives. Believe it or not, when I refer to "quality time", it does involve the presence of the children. For the moment, we believe we are fortunate to be in a stage where it's a bit easier than it has been. The older ones are responsible enough to tend to the younger ones so we can sneak out for a lunch or a walk. The younger ones aren't too much of a handful....they can tend to their needs and (as much as younger siblings respect older siblings) obey the older kids. The older ones are not attempting to sneak off and do "things" that will surely horrify us in the future (and probably make me regret this entry). We are not naive to think that rough days do not lie ahead as we navigate a course through "the teenage years" with the entire brood (this cycle officially begins in Dec. and will end when Son turns 20....in 14 short years), but for now we relish our days of "easier" parenting. For today, I am thankful for everything.

The Goog

Boys are found everywhere -- on top of, underneath, inside of, climbing on, swinging from, running around or jumping to. Mothers love them, little girls hate them, older sisters and brothers tolerate them, adults ignore them and Heaven protects them. A boy is Truth with dirt on its face, Beauty with a cut on its finger, Wisdom with bubble gum in its hair and the Hope of the future with a frog in its pocket. ~ Alan Marshall Beck

I marvel daily how two children can be so amazingly diverse yet so similar...not to mention that this diversity exists under one roof! Essentially there are six years separating my two children. Daughter was drawn to books and learning immediately. Son...loves to learn, but not in the same manner. She was always more sedate and able to attend more to traditional learning. Goog....not so much. From the moment his eyes open in the morning he is on the go. He lives to be outside doing typical "boy" things.....he surfs, skateboards, bikes, runs, destroys, plays ball, spray paints (yes, I have found a spot of paint on our home that he and a neighbor hijacked from the neighbor's dad)....you name an activity that can be wild and woolly and outdoors and he is up for it. He is 6 going on 16....ready to be a "big guy". He knows more high school boys than most kids his age (from the skate park and the dock, I suppose). He already begs me to take him to the beach in Buxton...where all the big guys surf....at almost 40, I prefer to go to the beach in Hatteras where all the mom's hang out. He is NOT deprived by going to the beach there as there are a large number of surf-folk there, too. Yesterday his cousin DID take him to the beach in Buxton....I wonder if he'll ever be satisfied down here again! It's still morning and I've already heard about the Buxton beach. He is a daredevil. I can't bear to watch half of the things he does. I do not take him to the skate park because I know I will vomit. I hear he is good. I am NOT so bad that I don't allow him to go....I just can't watch. After surfing in Buxton yesterday, Hali brought him to where the rest of us were in Hatteras. Clutching his new surfboard (from Santa....how patient he has been to wait this long to use a gift!), he paddled out to where all the big kids surf. Last year I did not allow this. Yesterday it just seemed natural. He did great! On the last day of school he won a free kite boarding lesson. Whew....talk about a new fear for me! I know adults who have broken their necks doing that crazy stuff! I called Hubby from my classroom immediately to share the wonderful news.....his response: "Don't tell him!" It was too late, though, as it was part of the morning televised broadcast. It was so ironic since this spring Ethel and I took the brood down to the beach on a warm, windy day and watched dozens of people kite boarding. I looked at her as these crazies were using the kites, boards, waves, and wind to jump 10+ feet in the air doing all sorts of acrobatic stunts and said, "Why do I think that surfing is just not going to be enough for Son?" I am really rambling now....sorry. As I try to update and summarize the lives of my children at the close of this academic year, I think back to Son's first day of kindergarten. Before starting he expressed many times how much he wanted to read. Having such a busy schedule and desire to be outside, he just had never had the interest to devote time to learning outside of his preschool setting. After school we asked how the first day was. He was rather dismayed because "they didn't teach me how to read today". I guess he thought it would be like riding his bike, skating, surfing: just pick it up and do it. I am thrilled to say that my Goog has become a proficient student this year, exceeding the typical kindergarten expectations. I think we must be doing ok with him, too. He was student of the month for kindergarten in March because he ALWAYS helps with all the class chores and helps his classmates. My heart fills with pride, joy, and love when I merely think of him....just as it does when I think of Daughter. Of all the things I do.....I LOVE being MOM the most! :0)

The End of the Year

In my daughter's eyes I am a hero
I am strong and wise and I know no fear
But the truth is plain to see
She was sent to rescue me
I see who I wanna be
In my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal
Darkness turns to light and the
world is at peace
This miracle God gave to me gives me
strength when I am weak
I find reason to believe
In my daughter's eyes

And when she wraps her hand
around my finger
Oh it puts a smile in my heart
Everything becomes a little clearer
I realize what life is all about

It's hangin' on when your heart
has had enough
It's giving more when you feel like giving up
I've seen the light
It's in my daugter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes I can see the future
A reflection of who I am and what will be
Though she'll grow and someday leave
Maybe raise a family
When I'm gone I hope you see how happy
she made me
For I'll be there
In my daughter's eyes

~Martina McBride

After my mom passed away in 2000 I received numerous messages of condolence. All meaningful and heartfelt. Over the years one has remained in my heart and mind. It has been a source of peace for me. The strangest part is that the person who sent it more than likely doesn't even know how dear her message and how I have clung to it. Her message simply said that whenever I needed to see my mom, all I needed to do was look into my daughter's eyes. How prophetic since "my quote" wasn't released until 3 years later. On Thursday morning I received a phone call at school from one of Daughter's teachers urging me to attend the Award's Assembly. I had planned on going, figuring that she was going to be honored for (hopefully) Principal's List for the year...if not, it would at least be Honor Roll. I explained this to her teacher, who was glad I was coming. She then proceeded to tell me that Daughter was going to receive more than one award. I was thrilled for Daughter. She has become such an independent person...it just amazes me. She handles all aspects of her academics (except for the large projects) completely on her own. I wish I was more abreast of the situation at times, but I also realize that I need her to make her own way and be responsible. I am so proud of the awards she earned and the humbleness she displays. Sometimes I worry that the parenting choices I make (and have made) have created a child that isn't as self-confident as she should be about her talents. I worry that she doesn't always reach her full potential because she doesn't realize how capable she truly is. But, I am a worrier by nature. There were so many highlights of that day. Seeing her with her medals was awesome. One of the other highlights was the morning phone call from the teacher. During the conversation she told me what a fantastic job Hubby and I have done. She said that Daughter was just flawless. She had tried to find just one flaw, but couldn't find one. Yes, I realize that she, like all of us, are flawed. I could go on forever listing mine, but to have a teacher tell me just how amazing she thought my child was instantly put tears in my eyes. I cannot even describe how much I love that girl (don't worry....I have a post cooking up for Son, too!) and how immensely proud I am of her and all of her accomplishments. Martina's words only begin to scratch the surface. :0)

Is This for Real?

It is lovely, when I forget all birthdays, including my own, to find somebody that remembers me. ~ Ellen Glasgow

I have spent the last several years avoiding my birthday. I have tried my best to ignore it. Wanted it gone. The depression that overwhelmed me was too much to bear. I guess I figured if it didn't celebrate, then the memories and sadness of the day would disappear as well. My reaction to my birthday was not due to vanity. I know I am getting older and look the part (yes, I've seen a few gray hairs and notice the gradually deepening wrinkles). Honestly, I could care less. Rather, it was the death of my mother that began the "birthday protest". She always made my birthday seem like the most special day ever created. Without her, I couldn't fathom celebrating. Her absence was so prominent from the "big day" I just wanted to avoid it. It was worse than Christmas or any other holiday. Some of the years, the anticipation of it depressed me for weeks prior. For some reason, though, this year is different. I don't know if it's because I have been SO busy with the NB thing that I didn't have time to begin dreading the day until it was almost here. I don't know if it's because someone near and dear to my heart straightforwardly explained how confusing it was for others (not to mention that this was NOT how my mom would want my birthday to be). Nonetheless, this year has been different. I have embraced the notion of actually partaking in the birthday this year. I enjoyed the combined celebration with my nephew. I have genuinely smiled and HAD a HAPPY birthday instead of just going through the motions for my children. So, basically, all I want to say is "Thank you" to everyone who has dealt with my negativity for the past 8 birthdays. Your love and understanding are my rock and I could not achieve anything without all of you. YOU are the best gifts I have ever received and it is an honor to be loved and appreciated by such a magnificent circle of family and friends. Love you all!

PS....Isn't it AWESOME that David Cook is the American Idol? WOO HOO!!!

Natural Disasters Running Amok

I ran out of gas! I got a flat tire! I didn't have change for cab fare! I lost my tux at the cleaners! I locked my keys in the car! An old friend came in from out of town! Someone stole my car! There was an earthquake! A terrible flood! Locusts! IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD! ~ Jake Blues

Good grief! This weather is going crazy! Here is what it looks like out my window!

Teacher from the Stress Lagoon

I can not stress enough how much I don't have plans. ~ Xander (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

For those of you unfamiliar, there is a series of children's books by Mike Thaler that detail the lives of several teachers "from the Black Lagoon". I feel like I have been in the stress lagoon for several months. Yes, I am always stressed, but the National Boards have added an obscene amount of extra stress to my life. It is similar to that of grad school, but different in that I have devoted what seems like an eternity to this endeavor (when in actuality it was only since Fall). I will not know the results until NOVEMBER!!! Yesterday I completed the last leg of what COULD be the initial leg of my journey (I have 2 more years to achieve if I don't do it this time). PLEASE let all my numbers equal 275....that's all I need to avoid redoing this again!!!!!!!!!! The testing center.....6 Exercises. 30 minutes to answer each exercise without the assistance of anyone or anything. Each exercise basically asked me to design and rationalize instruction in given scenarios for the following topics: literacy, math, science, social studies, play, health/safety/PE. Definitely a daunting task when I was expected to be able to rattle off lessons for students ages 3-8 on any number of topics that encompass that age range and am only familiar with our state's 2nd grade curriculum. PLUS....no research - I NEVER teach without researching. I have spent weeks on end studying things that I did not know how to teach: electricity, heat, light, moon, stars, sun, motion, force, PLAY (yes, teaching children HOW to play), yadda, yadda, yadda. I have been in chat rooms discussing possible scenarios. I have answered practice prompts. I have been a freak. Study mode does not bring out the best in me. The last two weeks have been especially ugly. BUT....it's done for now. The trip itself was comedic.....with comedic being defined more like Little Miss Sunshine as opposed to The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (or insert any number of purely mindless, but sure to make you laugh type films). The experience as a whole: 5 teachers going to take a test, all with different personalities and lifestyles, all with their own levels of stress, all with differing needs, traveling by Suburban for one night with more study materials than could possibly be used in one trip to Greenville. Put it this way....I don't think one of us had more than one change of clothes and a set of pj's, but I had 3 bags (which was about average: one night, 5 girls: approx. 15 bags of various shapes and sizes). It turned out that it was graduation weekend for ECU which meant every hotel in town jacked up their rates 5 zillion percent. This caused some financial dilemmas.....another bright spot (ah-hem) for our trip....not to mention rooming issues since the only rooms available were rooms with a single king bed. The air mattress that was taken only inflates with a pump that MUST be charged to work....no, it cannot be plugged into the wall to use it (wtf is up with that?!).....and it takes 8 hrs. to fully charge. You guessed it.....the charger was not charged. After a few hours we were able to get it to somewhat work. Joy had to blow the rest up with lung power. The room Luscious, Joy and I had was stuffy and smelly (kind of like cat pee)....all that for $160. As it turned out, it was great that Joy had that air mattress...when we finally figured out that the room didn't have the AC on (only the fan was on even though the place was completely booked and it was about 80 degrees outside), we flipped the button to AC ONLY to discover WHY there was a dehumidifier in the room....the AC leaks, making the carpet wet. All night we listened to the flow of water. I worried about the content of the test and just how far the water would extend throughout the room. I didn't worry about Joy because I knew she would float on her semi-inflated air mattress. We turned off the lights at 1 am and I woke up (if you can really call it that since my mind did not stop at all - it was more like a restless nap) at 4:51. I could not lie there and listen to that damn faucet-like noise any longer so I bathed and went to the lobby to study....only to be engaged in conversation with some dude who was there learning about how to defend himself if attacked or something like that....I was a bad listener because I really needed to learn about the damn moon. The little front desk girl was "shocked" when I told her about our situation upon checking out.....amazing since not all rooms are decked out with dehumidifiers. It poured on the way to the testing center....loud claps of thunder/ streaks of lightning...just what you want to hear when you're going to take an electronic test and worry about a power outage that may extend the hellish situations under which you've been living. The testing center has cameras everywhere.....I think they even record you in the bathroom because there are signs all over it forbidding you to turn out the light. EWWWWWWWWWWW! Overall, I felt really good when I left. I almost cried when I exited the building. It was weirdly emotional. We went to the mall....that was a whole other can of worms I don't even want to discuss. Then we indulged at Olive Garden. It's not often that I have liquor during the day, but I ordered myself a lime-mint fresco and boy was it delightfully refreshing. :0) TomTom let us down on the way home....he led us down an old road, taking us the LONG way. No, I'm not breaking up with the boyfriend - just sending him to the dog house for a bit. ;0) Anyway.....I'm home and have NOTHING TO STUDY! I should clean the house, plan for VBS, exercise (the 10 pounds I have gained during the "crunch time" of NB are NOT attractive esp. with bathing suit season sitting on my front porch), weed my flower beds.....basically tend to all that has been neglected since I-don't-know-when. So, I will probably tend to the things that need it most: the kids, my sanity, Hubby (he's fishing today, though) and do just about nothing but hang around and be a sloth. I have really meandered away from the initial point of this post which was to update the events of my life (like I had one)....more like the life that has been going on around me despite my absence. I guess I'll provide updates in another post..........this one has gotten WAY too long and rambling. When you think of me, hope for 275 in November. I feel good about it right now, but the more I mull it over, the more I worry. I really don't want this to be "the thing" intended to knock me down a few pegs. So, for now, I'm going to just try to put it aside and breathe for a bit. Thanks for all the love and support that keep me going. <3 U!