It is lovely, when I forget all birthdays, including my own, to find somebody that remembers me. ~ Ellen Glasgow
I have spent the last several years avoiding my birthday. I have tried my best to ignore it. Wanted it gone. The depression that overwhelmed me was too much to bear. I guess I figured if it didn't celebrate, then the memories and sadness of the day would disappear as well. My reaction to my birthday was not due to vanity. I know I am getting older and look the part (yes, I've seen a few gray hairs and notice the gradually deepening wrinkles). Honestly, I could care less. Rather, it was the death of my mother that began the "birthday protest". She always made my birthday seem like the most special day ever created. Without her, I couldn't fathom celebrating. Her absence was so prominent from the "big day" I just wanted to avoid it. It was worse than Christmas or any other holiday. Some of the years, the anticipation of it depressed me for weeks prior. For some reason, though, this year is different. I don't know if it's because I have been SO busy with the NB thing that I didn't have time to begin dreading the day until it was almost here. I don't know if it's because someone near and dear to my heart straightforwardly explained how confusing it was for others (not to mention that this was NOT how my mom would want my birthday to be). Nonetheless, this year has been different. I have embraced the notion of actually partaking in the birthday this year. I enjoyed the combined celebration with my nephew. I have genuinely smiled and HAD a HAPPY birthday instead of just going through the motions for my children. So, basically, all I want to say is "Thank you" to everyone who has dealt with my negativity for the past 8 birthdays. Your love and understanding are my rock and I could not achieve anything without all of you. YOU are the best gifts I have ever received and it is an honor to be loved and appreciated by such a magnificent circle of family and friends. Love you all!
PS....Isn't it AWESOME that David Cook is the American Idol? WOO HOO!!!
2 comments:
I'm so thankful that you had a good day. I'm thankful for YOU. We're coming in to the best time of our lives, right? That's the rumor, anyway. Hope you had a nice dinner - we'll celebrate at 5-0 tomorrow :)
xx0xx
so glad it was a good day for you! been thinking about you, and hoping the month was going ok. did that enable me to pick up the phone - NOOO, but you've been in my thoughts and behind a lot of my smiles, especially when i remember a lot of my memories with you since i've now officially now you for 20 years! love ya, kimmie
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