It is lovely, when I forget all birthdays, including my own, to find somebody that remembers me. ~ Ellen Glasgow
I have spent the last several years avoiding my birthday. I have tried my best to ignore it. Wanted it gone. The depression that overwhelmed me was too much to bear. I guess I figured if it didn't celebrate, then the memories and sadness of the day would disappear as well. My reaction to my birthday was not due to vanity. I know I am getting older and look the part (yes, I've seen a few gray hairs and notice the gradually deepening wrinkles). Honestly, I could care less. Rather, it was the death of my mother that began the "birthday protest". She always made my birthday seem like the most special day ever created. Without her, I couldn't fathom celebrating. Her absence was so prominent from the "big day" I just wanted to avoid it. It was worse than Christmas or any other holiday. Some of the years, the anticipation of it depressed me for weeks prior. For some reason, though, this year is different. I don't know if it's because I have been SO busy with the NB thing that I didn't have time to begin dreading the day until it was almost here. I don't know if it's because someone near and dear to my heart straightforwardly explained how confusing it was for others (not to mention that this was NOT how my mom would want my birthday to be). Nonetheless, this year has been different. I have embraced the notion of actually partaking in the birthday this year. I enjoyed the combined celebration with my nephew. I have genuinely smiled and HAD a HAPPY birthday instead of just going through the motions for my children. So, basically, all I want to say is "Thank you" to everyone who has dealt with my negativity for the past 8 birthdays. Your love and understanding are my rock and I could not achieve anything without all of you. YOU are the best gifts I have ever received and it is an honor to be loved and appreciated by such a magnificent circle of family and friends. Love you all!
PS....Isn't it AWESOME that David Cook is the American Idol? WOO HOO!!!
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Monday, May 12, 2008
Natural Disasters Running Amok
I ran out of gas! I got a flat tire! I didn't have change for cab fare! I lost my tux at the cleaners! I locked my keys in the car! An old friend came in from out of town! Someone stole my car! There was an earthquake! A terrible flood! Locusts! IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD! ~ Jake Blues
Good grief! This weather is going crazy! Here is what it looks like out my window!
Good grief! This weather is going crazy! Here is what it looks like out my window!
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Teacher from the Stress Lagoon
I can not stress enough how much I don't have plans. ~ Xander (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
For those of you unfamiliar, there is a series of children's books by Mike Thaler that detail the lives of several teachers "from the Black Lagoon". I feel like I have been in the stress lagoon for several months. Yes, I am always stressed, but the National Boards have added an obscene amount of extra stress to my life. It is similar to that of grad school, but different in that I have devoted what seems like an eternity to this endeavor (when in actuality it was only since Fall). I will not know the results until NOVEMBER!!! Yesterday I completed the last leg of what COULD be the initial leg of my journey (I have 2 more years to achieve if I don't do it this time). PLEASE let all my numbers equal 275....that's all I need to avoid redoing this again!!!!!!!!!! The testing center.....6 Exercises. 30 minutes to answer each exercise without the assistance of anyone or anything. Each exercise basically asked me to design and rationalize instruction in given scenarios for the following topics: literacy, math, science, social studies, play, health/safety/PE. Definitely a daunting task when I was expected to be able to rattle off lessons for students ages 3-8 on any number of topics that encompass that age range and am only familiar with our state's 2nd grade curriculum. PLUS....no research - I NEVER teach without researching. I have spent weeks on end studying things that I did not know how to teach: electricity, heat, light, moon, stars, sun, motion, force, PLAY (yes, teaching children HOW to play), yadda, yadda, yadda. I have been in chat rooms discussing possible scenarios. I have answered practice prompts. I have been a freak. Study mode does not bring out the best in me. The last two weeks have been especially ugly. BUT....it's done for now. The trip itself was comedic.....with comedic being defined more like Little Miss Sunshine as opposed to The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (or insert any number of purely mindless, but sure to make you laugh type films). The experience as a whole: 5 teachers going to take a test, all with different personalities and lifestyles, all with their own levels of stress, all with differing needs, traveling by Suburban for one night with more study materials than could possibly be used in one trip to Greenville. Put it this way....I don't think one of us had more than one change of clothes and a set of pj's, but I had 3 bags (which was about average: one night, 5 girls: approx. 15 bags of various shapes and sizes). It turned out that it was graduation weekend for ECU which meant every hotel in town jacked up their rates 5 zillion percent. This caused some financial dilemmas.....another bright spot (ah-hem) for our trip....not to mention rooming issues since the only rooms available were rooms with a single king bed. The air mattress that was taken only inflates with a pump that MUST be charged to work....no, it cannot be plugged into the wall to use it (wtf is up with that?!).....and it takes 8 hrs. to fully charge. You guessed it.....the charger was not charged. After a few hours we were able to get it to somewhat work. Joy had to blow the rest up with lung power. The room Luscious, Joy and I had was stuffy and smelly (kind of like cat pee)....all that for $160. As it turned out, it was great that Joy had that air mattress...when we finally figured out that the room didn't have the AC on (only the fan was on even though the place was completely booked and it was about 80 degrees outside), we flipped the button to AC ONLY to discover WHY there was a dehumidifier in the room....the AC leaks, making the carpet wet. All night we listened to the flow of water. I worried about the content of the test and just how far the water would extend throughout the room. I didn't worry about Joy because I knew she would float on her semi-inflated air mattress. We turned off the lights at 1 am and I woke up (if you can really call it that since my mind did not stop at all - it was more like a restless nap) at 4:51. I could not lie there and listen to that damn faucet-like noise any longer so I bathed and went to the lobby to study....only to be engaged in conversation with some dude who was there learning about how to defend himself if attacked or something like that....I was a bad listener because I really needed to learn about the damn moon. The little front desk girl was "shocked" when I told her about our situation upon checking out.....amazing since not all rooms are decked out with dehumidifiers. It poured on the way to the testing center....loud claps of thunder/ streaks of lightning...just what you want to hear when you're going to take an electronic test and worry about a power outage that may extend the hellish situations under which you've been living. The testing center has cameras everywhere.....I think they even record you in the bathroom because there are signs all over it forbidding you to turn out the light. EWWWWWWWWWWW! Overall, I felt really good when I left. I almost cried when I exited the building. It was weirdly emotional. We went to the mall....that was a whole other can of worms I don't even want to discuss. Then we indulged at Olive Garden. It's not often that I have liquor during the day, but I ordered myself a lime-mint fresco and boy was it delightfully refreshing. :0) TomTom let us down on the way home....he led us down an old road, taking us the LONG way. No, I'm not breaking up with the boyfriend - just sending him to the dog house for a bit. ;0) Anyway.....I'm home and have NOTHING TO STUDY! I should clean the house, plan for VBS, exercise (the 10 pounds I have gained during the "crunch time" of NB are NOT attractive esp. with bathing suit season sitting on my front porch), weed my flower beds.....basically tend to all that has been neglected since I-don't-know-when. So, I will probably tend to the things that need it most: the kids, my sanity, Hubby (he's fishing today, though) and do just about nothing but hang around and be a sloth. I have really meandered away from the initial point of this post which was to update the events of my life (like I had one)....more like the life that has been going on around me despite my absence. I guess I'll provide updates in another post..........this one has gotten WAY too long and rambling. When you think of me, hope for 275 in November. I feel good about it right now, but the more I mull it over, the more I worry. I really don't want this to be "the thing" intended to knock me down a few pegs. So, for now, I'm going to just try to put it aside and breathe for a bit. Thanks for all the love and support that keep me going. <3 U!
For those of you unfamiliar, there is a series of children's books by Mike Thaler that detail the lives of several teachers "from the Black Lagoon". I feel like I have been in the stress lagoon for several months. Yes, I am always stressed, but the National Boards have added an obscene amount of extra stress to my life. It is similar to that of grad school, but different in that I have devoted what seems like an eternity to this endeavor (when in actuality it was only since Fall). I will not know the results until NOVEMBER!!! Yesterday I completed the last leg of what COULD be the initial leg of my journey (I have 2 more years to achieve if I don't do it this time). PLEASE let all my numbers equal 275....that's all I need to avoid redoing this again!!!!!!!!!! The testing center.....6 Exercises. 30 minutes to answer each exercise without the assistance of anyone or anything. Each exercise basically asked me to design and rationalize instruction in given scenarios for the following topics: literacy, math, science, social studies, play, health/safety/PE. Definitely a daunting task when I was expected to be able to rattle off lessons for students ages 3-8 on any number of topics that encompass that age range and am only familiar with our state's 2nd grade curriculum. PLUS....no research - I NEVER teach without researching. I have spent weeks on end studying things that I did not know how to teach: electricity, heat, light, moon, stars, sun, motion, force, PLAY (yes, teaching children HOW to play), yadda, yadda, yadda. I have been in chat rooms discussing possible scenarios. I have answered practice prompts. I have been a freak. Study mode does not bring out the best in me. The last two weeks have been especially ugly. BUT....it's done for now. The trip itself was comedic.....with comedic being defined more like Little Miss Sunshine as opposed to The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (or insert any number of purely mindless, but sure to make you laugh type films). The experience as a whole: 5 teachers going to take a test, all with different personalities and lifestyles, all with their own levels of stress, all with differing needs, traveling by Suburban for one night with more study materials than could possibly be used in one trip to Greenville. Put it this way....I don't think one of us had more than one change of clothes and a set of pj's, but I had 3 bags (which was about average: one night, 5 girls: approx. 15 bags of various shapes and sizes). It turned out that it was graduation weekend for ECU which meant every hotel in town jacked up their rates 5 zillion percent. This caused some financial dilemmas.....another bright spot (ah-hem) for our trip....not to mention rooming issues since the only rooms available were rooms with a single king bed. The air mattress that was taken only inflates with a pump that MUST be charged to work....no, it cannot be plugged into the wall to use it (wtf is up with that?!).....and it takes 8 hrs. to fully charge. You guessed it.....the charger was not charged. After a few hours we were able to get it to somewhat work. Joy had to blow the rest up with lung power. The room Luscious, Joy and I had was stuffy and smelly (kind of like cat pee)....all that for $160. As it turned out, it was great that Joy had that air mattress...when we finally figured out that the room didn't have the AC on (only the fan was on even though the place was completely booked and it was about 80 degrees outside), we flipped the button to AC ONLY to discover WHY there was a dehumidifier in the room....the AC leaks, making the carpet wet. All night we listened to the flow of water. I worried about the content of the test and just how far the water would extend throughout the room. I didn't worry about Joy because I knew she would float on her semi-inflated air mattress. We turned off the lights at 1 am and I woke up (if you can really call it that since my mind did not stop at all - it was more like a restless nap) at 4:51. I could not lie there and listen to that damn faucet-like noise any longer so I bathed and went to the lobby to study....only to be engaged in conversation with some dude who was there learning about how to defend himself if attacked or something like that....I was a bad listener because I really needed to learn about the damn moon. The little front desk girl was "shocked" when I told her about our situation upon checking out.....amazing since not all rooms are decked out with dehumidifiers. It poured on the way to the testing center....loud claps of thunder/ streaks of lightning...just what you want to hear when you're going to take an electronic test and worry about a power outage that may extend the hellish situations under which you've been living. The testing center has cameras everywhere.....I think they even record you in the bathroom because there are signs all over it forbidding you to turn out the light. EWWWWWWWWWWW! Overall, I felt really good when I left. I almost cried when I exited the building. It was weirdly emotional. We went to the mall....that was a whole other can of worms I don't even want to discuss. Then we indulged at Olive Garden. It's not often that I have liquor during the day, but I ordered myself a lime-mint fresco and boy was it delightfully refreshing. :0) TomTom let us down on the way home....he led us down an old road, taking us the LONG way. No, I'm not breaking up with the boyfriend - just sending him to the dog house for a bit. ;0) Anyway.....I'm home and have NOTHING TO STUDY! I should clean the house, plan for VBS, exercise (the 10 pounds I have gained during the "crunch time" of NB are NOT attractive esp. with bathing suit season sitting on my front porch), weed my flower beds.....basically tend to all that has been neglected since I-don't-know-when. So, I will probably tend to the things that need it most: the kids, my sanity, Hubby (he's fishing today, though) and do just about nothing but hang around and be a sloth. I have really meandered away from the initial point of this post which was to update the events of my life (like I had one)....more like the life that has been going on around me despite my absence. I guess I'll provide updates in another post..........this one has gotten WAY too long and rambling. When you think of me, hope for 275 in November. I feel good about it right now, but the more I mull it over, the more I worry. I really don't want this to be "the thing" intended to knock me down a few pegs. So, for now, I'm going to just try to put it aside and breathe for a bit. Thanks for all the love and support that keep me going. <3 U!
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