Beyond Horrific

Now you know what I have to ask you for. ~ waiter at PF Chang's

Mention a driver's license photo and you are guaranteed to begin a debate about whose is the most wretched. Carolina sparked such a debate on Saturday morning (which is now WEEKENDS ago). We compared. I believe I won. Just the type of contest one wants to win...the Whose Photo Is the Most Disgusting Contest. I had an idea that I would win since I was amazed at how hideous I could appear when I first received the license. I was goofing around with someone else when the photographer took the shot. I was further convinced at the wretchedness of it when I had to present backup identification at an out-of-town branch of my bank because the photo, according to the teller, "really doesn't look like you". This, by the way, is definitely a compliment. During the course of the conversation with Carolina, references were made to Nick Nolte's mug shot. She felt that my photo, although hideous, was not as bad as his merely due to the fact that I did not look menacing....I at least looked like a happy drunkard/drug user. Since the photo was taken, and especially after the comments from the bank teller, I did toy with the idea of having the license redone, but ultimately felt it was a ridiculous expense....who was going to see it anyway? Plus....if they did....it would probably save me from a DUI because I would resemble my photo (I'm saying this as though I make a habit of drunk driving....far from the truth). Well, on the very evening of the day I had this conversation with Carolina, I found out that other people COULD possibly see the picture. Ethel and I went to P.F. Chang's after Carolina left Chapel Hill headed for her next stop on her power-visiting trip. The wait was going to be at least an hour, but we had no place to be and no responsiblities for the evening (how rare is that?!). Needless to say, we bellied up to the bar for a cocktail....I adore their Asian Pear Mojito! Ethel was driving, but opted for one since we would be hangin' out at Chang's for quite some time. We drank our drinks and chatted...which we had not had the opportunity to do in a LONG TIME despite the fact that we live on the same street...how sad! Finally we were seated. At the table I opted for another mojito...Ethel abstained due to the driving thing....she didn't have the drunken license picture to help her out. I was flattered and shocked all at once when Mr. Suave (our waiter) said to me, "Now you know what I have to ask you for." What? I was feeling the first cocktail just a bit and considering the fact that I am on the higher end of thirty-something....I was not exactly sure WHAT was going on. Then flattery struck....I was being carded - woo hoo! I looked young enough to get carded....this is NOT something that happens to me on a daily basis! This feeling of elation was short-lived.....I actually had to share my hideous license with another human being! UGH! Reluctantly, I pulled the license out and hung my head as I handed Mr. Suave the happy-version-of-Nick-Nolte (aka my ID). He made no comment, but brought me my drink....I guess he wanted a good tip. Ethel and I had a big laugh over it. I also called Carolina to share my misfortune with her. I had to leave a voice mail. She called back....I guess during the meal and I didn't hear the phone....she told me that my tale of misery gave her a chuckle....and it probably gave the waiter a good chuckle too. I am now thinking that I really should get the ID redone....it may be frivolous, but that thing is heinous!!!!