Happy Day

"I do like green eggs and ham!" ~ Green Eggs and Ham

Today is the first birthday since 1999 that I have genuinely enjoyed! I did avoid the things I hate the most: the group singing in the cafeteria; anything that put the spotlight on me....you get the idea. But I received several sincere "happy birthday's" and had a wonderful evening with Hubby & the kids (minus the part where Son fell off his seat landing under the table on the floor crying) and Dad and More-Than-a-Stepmom. We went to a tee-ball game, too. Hubby's family came to that. I don't know if it had to do with the talk I had with R the other day or if it was just time, but this birthday has actually made me smile...a joyful smile....one of those smiles that emanates from your heart. I love my family. I love my friends (and I talked to several today). I am truly blessed. Now, I'm off to read my MySpace and go vote for Jordin to win American Idol....did she kick ass or what?!

Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon

From the show Will & Grace:

Will: You— you did a movie with Val Kilmer?

Kevin Bacon: No, but Val was in Top Gun with Tom Cruise, and Tom was in A Few Good Men with me. Huh, that was a short one.

After today's escapades I am a Bacon 3.....well, if you count seeing a celebrity that was close to him. Richard Gere is filming a movie (Nights in Rodanthe) on the island (no....I'm not as close as Luscious & Vera who were extra's - Vera having brushed arms with him) and a bunch of us ended up haning out at the ferry docks in 50 degree temps waiting for a glimpse. I am FROZEN! But I got a glimpse! I tried to take a few photos, but they were rather dark and people kept getting in my way. I did get one of his head in his car on the ferry. I also had my picture taken with his driver. As for the Kevin Bacon thing....I was near Richard who was in Pretty Woman with Julia Roberts who was in Flatliners with Kevin Bacon. Woo hoo! I was still pretty close to Kevin prior to this movie: a guy I went to high school with was college friends with Skeet Ulrich (most recently in the show Jericho) who was in Scream with Neve Campbell who was in Wild Things with KEVIN BACON!

WTF is a Meme?

A meme survives in the world because people pass it on to other people, either vertically to the next generation, or horizontally to our fellows. ~ H. Keith Henson

A challenge from Hippie's Chick....a meme instructing me to name 8 interesting things about myself. The two I've read already have been quite informative. I've known Carolina for about 20 years and never knew she was afraid of turtles. Like Hippie's Chick (who's known her for even longer), I had no idea she felt this way about turtles (nor did I realize there was anyone in the world that was creeped out by turtles).....oh, the things I could've done with that info. :0)

Now that I've procrastinated.....interesting things, interesting things....I don't think I have any "shockers"....

* I just had the most wicked deja vu as I began to type this one! I looked at the bottle of Arizona Sweet Tea bottle and it started.....weird (maybe not interesting OR about me, but it's my #1).
* Unfortunately for my children, as well as most of the children I have taught, wiggly teeth - anything dealing with teeth (except for brushing of course) for that fact-makes my stomach quiver and brings me close to vomiting. I cannot stand to see wiggly teeth or hear about oral, teeth-related issues. On to #3 before I nauseate myself.
* I am an extremely shy, quiet person until I feel comfortable in my setting. I have to "feel people out" before I can be myself or have quite a bit to drink. I have actually shocked quite a few people after I have gotten to really know them. I remember Yo,L! commenting about it once I really got to know her and "let loose"....and she wasn't the first one. Once I know you, look out....I never shut up. I think I babble even more than I write.
* I give the appearance of being really organized and anal about everything when I really am not. I am completely together about some things, but otherwise I am a mess. I desperately strive to be neat and tidy and on top of all chaos in my life, but I fail miserably....have you seen my house or my car? Probably not because I am so horrified by the level of clutter that exists in those areas. Now don't get me wrong, it's not as bad as those hovels I see on those shows where teams of people have to go in and use a front-end loader to remove the mounds of clutter and trash....but it's far worse than what I like. I am just too busy and exhausted most of the time to do anything about it. Plus, I don't ever think anything is ever entirely clean. That's a whole other issue....Tied in with this, I am a cleaning whirlwind when I am completely and utterly pissed off. Scrubbing and scouring and throwing out junk in a fit of rage helps "bring me down". So, if you ever find me in the midst of a complete "clean sweep" assume one of the following things: 1. I am ENRAGED. 2. It's summer break and I have time and energy to devote to the care I want to give to my home, car, etc. 3. I am having company.
* I am terrified of two things. Not living up to the expectations I have for myself worries me more often than not. This is not just work-related. It permeates every aspect of my life. And no, I do not have an ulcer....yet. Secondly, I fret about dying when my children are young. Selfishly I want to see them grow into adults. Mostly, though, I don't want them to grow up missing me as much as I miss my mom.
* Despite the fact that I have been blessed with many talents, I wish I was artistic. I look in awe at the photographs that Hippie's Chick and Ethel take and know that I do not in ANY way have that eye for art that truly artistic people have. If I take a picture of a flower or a leaf, it looks like a flower or a leaf. These two gals take a picture of something and it is so deeply moving, it's incredible. I don't dance or sing or create anything original. I have nothing to possibly contribute to Ethel's gallery, but at least I have friends there......hee hee....which brings me to the next tidbit of info about me.....
* Contrary to all the other comments I have made that make me sound like someone with OCD, I DO love to have fun! I have to do SOMETHING to make me laugh each day. Usually my laughter is brought on by looking at the world in some cynical and sarcastic way and making hideous, hysterical comments on my observations. Many people don't care for that type of humor, but I adore it and surround myself with people who have a knack for that type of wit as well. Too bad Carolina has no capacity for comprehending such humor (see.....here is a prime example! This is a private joke that is oozing with sarcasm!!!). Along those lines...I love to play pranks (there is one I am still composing that I will post soon).
* Last one...whew...almost done! I am sappy. I don't tend to cry publicly, but I am easily moved to tears by songs, actions, books, events that are sentimental. I cry at church whenever anybody is baptised. Joy's two daughters were baptised two weeks ago and I bawled through the whole thing! She didn't cry. None of her family seemed to cry. Me? Cried. Certain songs make me cry. In My Daughter's Eyes by Martina McBride is a tear-jerker EVERY time. I had to wipe tears away on Wednesday at Son's last preschool picnic. Other parents crying? No. Just me. I will cry on his first day of school (I am welling up as I write) just as I did on Daughter's first day. I will cry at her 5th grade promotion. I will cry at Girlfriend's 8th grade promotion. I don't WANT to do these things....they just happen. I couldn't even speak at Carolina's rehearsal dinner because I knew I'd cry and I didn't want to be henceforth known as "that chick who blubbered through the dinner speeches". Thank goodness Ethel was able to get up and do it! I even cry on the last day of school. I usually write a poem to my class and I can't ever read it. They think it's funny because they know how I am after tearing up while reading Charlotte's Web, Bridge to Terabithia, and Meet Addy.
* Yes, this is 9, but did that first one really count? I think feet are gross. Baby feet = wonderful. Other feet = yuck. I have always detested my feet. It's only been in the past few years that I finally started wearing flip flops often. I guess with all of the rest of the things in life to worry about, the concern over the appearance of my feet in flip flops seemed to wan just a bit. I don't want feet on me. I don't want my feet touched. Yes, I go for pedicures occasionally, but I don't really ever relax because I know they are thinking or talking about how gross my feet are. I do it because I like how my feet feel after the pedicure. When I had my first pedicure, I broke out in a major sweat! I also do not let anyone local do my pedicures. I go out of town to people whom I don't know. Yes, I am a weirdo. I don't even try to deny it.

So, there is my meme. Perhaps not what it was intended to be. Definitely not something as revealing as turtle-trauma....yes, I'm still perseverating on that one! Now, how many people do I have to "tag"? Let's see....Ethel, Luscious, Jazzy, my sisters-in-law who read this, Hubby, and anyone I've left out. If you don't have a blog you can either write in the comment box or email it to me to preserve your privacy.

The Upside of May

Do you think I'd be working in a place like this if I could afford a real snake?

~ Zhora (Blade Runner)

I cannot even believe that I am getting ready to write this next phrase....I had an absolute blast at work this week! I have laughed SO much over the most wicked things...which makes it even better! I don't even know how to begin! Rather than even attempt to do this chronologically, it's probably best in my fragmented mind to bullet each antic in a new paragraph.

One highlight of the week is truly getting to realize that the new Assistant Principal is quite fun and can appreciate some off-color humor. Luscious and I were brave enough to share some of the crudeness of our week with her. Two lovelies in Luscious' class decided to use the new pointer (which is essentially a white-gloved pointing hand mounted on a green stick) to touch other children's "privates". This warranted a trip to the AP. After school we went to the office with the pointer. I can't even remember which one of us told her that we'd been touched with the pointer. AP told us a pointer like that just screamed out to be used for what the kids had done with it. It was funny when we told her that it had been purchased at the school book fair.

This week was Teacher Appreciation Week. Our PTA does all sorts of wonderful things for us. Yesterday we had a short staff meeting. The PTA had solicited quite a large quantity of prizes to be given out in a "raffle-like" style. I didn't win (which didn't exactly bother me at the time b/c I was too busy laughing at Luscious about the shoes.....don't worry - I'll get to that one next). However, it was delightful when Harry won a half-bushel of crabs. I cannot even begin to tell you how many jokes have been made about Harry getting crabs...yes, extremely juvenile BUT a hell of a lot of fun. Well, this morning there were more prizes: 11 people each won a $50 bill.....and Harry re-raffled his crabs. These prizes were given away on the daily school morning show viewed by all students and staff. Fortunately I did not win the crabs....my assistant did. The kids were cheering euphorically because Dookie got crabs. I was laughing OUT LOUD! My mind was in the GUTTER. It's Saturday for goodness sake!!! Dookie got crabs from Harry. Luscious came over from her room to share in the jubilation. Then Harry showed up to officially give her the crabs (well, a certificate for them). I am rather positive that Harry and Dookie wish the crabs had never been a prize. I am going to write a personal note to the PTA thanking them for the crabs. At the end of the day one of my students came up to me and said, "I am so happy Miss Dookie won the crabs." Laughing hysterically on the inside I replied, "I am glad she got crabs, too." I really think I need to limit my trips to the Dancing Turtle for espresso laced mochas to days when I DON'T have school.

THE SHOES.....(this is a long one, I warn you)

Early in the week I was teaching.....wrapped up entirely in my lesson, writing on the board with my back to the children (we have these cool microphones we wear so we can be heard even when we have our backs to the kids). I turned around to find the AP in my room for an ambush observation. Toward the beginning of the year Luscious and I chattered numerous times about how the very thought of her observing us unnerved us beyond belief. She was new. Totally unfamiliar and always carried herself in the most professional manner. As the year (and esp this week) has worn on, we have gotten to know AP and admire her. She is professional and handles all concerns with the utmost respect for us and the students. Anyway, I had a moment of panic when I turned around and THERE SHE WAS with the clipboard (at least it wasn't the laptop which she has been known to use). Then, I just went with it. Later I joked with her, telling her how she scared me sneaking into the room and making herself at home in such a stealth way. I was also a bit surprised because I didn't realize this was the year that I'd have more than one observation. Nonchalantly she remarked that it was actually my year to get a summative (major evaluation) because it' the year that I renew my license. WHAT?! From a previous meeting I knew that summatives had to be done by next week. That meant one thing: another observation this week....from Harry. No big deal....he's had to observe me several times in my career and there are never any problems (I already have the results and it was great!). AP told me she wished that she was doing that observation b/c it would have been great (did I feel good or what?! - how long would this feeling last?). This is going to seem like it is switching gears BIG TIME, but I promise it is quite relevent. I have been working with Luscious and Harry for 13 years. When you work with people that long and you have similar tastes in humor, it's very easy to develop a rapport that to some would be rather risque. In fact, we could all easily be in trouble for sexually harassing each other. It's nothing personal....it's just a form of humor. It is never taken seriously. I told our school counselor (who also shares a sense of humor as dark and deprave as mine) about how when we knew we were getting observed we used to wear certain things that we knew Harry liked. As we were having this conversation, Harry strolled by. She called him over and bluntly asked him what he wanted me to wear for the observation. Yes....vulgar inuendos were made....but he did provide a preferred color scheme (black and white - NO ORANGE) and requested pumps. Being the whore for perfection that I am when it comes to grades and evaluations, I planned an outfit based on the preferred color scheme and selected sassy heels (the ones I bought while in Atl. for Carolina's wedding). To poke fun at this whole ridiculous charade, I wore my wedge flip flops until he arrived for the observation and then changed shoes. Sick, huh? When he was done, but before he left the pod, I changed back into the flip flops. He went right over to Luscious' room and told her she needed shoes like mine. Despite the fact that the sassy shoes did not match her color scheme for the day, Luscious decided to wear them to the front office at lunch as a joke. She strutted around in them making jokes about needing lunch off so she could eat with Richard (I haven't even gotten to telling about how she was an extra in a movie that is being filmed here: Nights in Rodanthe with Richard Gere and Diane Lane!). She ended up putting them in my box in the workroom. I took the shoes and hid them under the desk in the front office and then led her to believe that another teacher (who had admired them and wanted them - thinking they were being given away). During the staff meeting she asked about the shoes.....if I had them back. With my best fake-look-of-horror, I looked at her and said, "No, I thought you took them out of my box and back to your room." This prompted her to leave the staff meeting to look for the shoes. I had her believing that the other teacher had stolen my shoes. Although it would have been funny, I DID stop her before she confronted the "suspect". I love practical jokes!

Book Club Update

We want the finest wines available to humanity, we want them here, and we want them now! ~ Whitenail

Book Club Status: the books have not arrived. No reading has taken place. We have had three official meetings. Sounds pretty good, huh? Tonight we enjoyed the fine literary genre entitled: restaurant menu. We met at Capt. Jacks for food, fun, and WINE!!!!!! I rarely drink wine, but it was quite enjoyable. Except for Ethel, it was a crowd of chicks that fell into two categories: those I have not met (in fact, there was one chick who I am still not sure who she is/was) and those I have met, but not really spent any time with. I had a FABULOUS time. I still need to pack Son for his trip to the Monster Truck Jam and the (as he told his grandfather today) drug races. I assure you that he is not dealing drugs.....he is merely going to the DRAG races. I guess it could have been worse...he could have said he was going to be drug RUNNING. Better get off this addictive waste of time and get someone's clothes together and get to bed. I am getting observed tomorrow....can't be draggin' for that!!! It's kinda hard to bring this day to an end, though. Fun with the girls was a definite highlight as was hangin' out with my sisters-in-law to plan a big shindig. The absolute pinnacle of the day (now, I wasn't being sarcastic until I got to this point!!!) sexual harassment that was intended to be a compliment....I think. It came from a guy I went to high school with. He now is a substitute teacher @ our school. He used to teach @ the secondary school until he was asked to leave b/c of an addiction problem. Luscious said I needed to report him to the administration after I told her what he said. I'm hoping it was just because he knows me from wilder days. At least my room was stench-free today. I don't like it when my classroom smells like a rotten fish market. I'm just wondering....does every workplace seem to be a den of deranged people? When I actually think about all the weird stuff that goes on at work....the stories I hear, the things people do, the crap I endure, etc. (and yes, I do contribute to the delinquency to a degree - BUT there are actually freakier people than me who work at my school)....I wonder if it's commonplace or beyond bizarre. Talk amongst yourselves and get back to me. :0)

Happy Bunny

let's keep notes on who pisses us off. ~ Happy Bunny

This stuff CRACKS ME UP! That cute little bunny saying such wicked things. Ah.



Happy Bunny

The Roller Coaster

These are days
These are the days you might fill
With laughter until you break
These days you might feel
A shaft of light
Make its way across your face
And when you do
Then you’ll know how it was meant to be
See the signs and know their meaning
It's true
Then you’ll know how it was meant to be
Hear the signs and know they’re speaking
To you, to you ~ 10,000 Maniacs

May. Here it is again. For me, it's the most bittersweet time of the year. As a child it was the absolute best....next to December, of course. May brought my birthday....a wonderful party lovingly planned out in intricate detail by my mom. There was the Winnie the Pooh party. My entire class was invited and each one had handmade burlap and felt Pooh ears. There were the countless sleepovers. The bashes at the roller rink. When I became a teacher, Mom would bring doughnuts and milk to class. Each celebration has been etched into my mind and heart. Not only did May bring my birthday, it brought my brother's as well. After getting past the initial confusion and anger of my younger brother's birthday being before mine (hey, I was only 5!), this was an addition highlight of May: another super party! To this day I marvel at how Mom accomplished this since our birthdays are only two days apart! I freak out and Daughter and Son's birthdays are two months apart!! As we got older, I looked forward to Hunter's (I may have given him another nickname earlier...can't remember now) birthday because it was a day that I could celebrate how thankful I am for him. He is one of the best gifts I have ever received....I guess that's why he was born near my birthday. What else is so special about May? It's my anniversary!! I get to revel in the fact that I am married to my soul mate. I knew from the moment we met (the summer before I entered 8th grade!) that there was something special there. Except for the occasional spat (you know, those times when you each speak a line or two in an irritable voice, fall silent for a bit, and then move on), we do not argue or fight. We laugh. We joke. We can comfortably enjoy silence between us. I could not exist in the regular world if I didn't know I had someone I love meeting me at home. Home is my haven from the rest of the world. Hurray for my anniversary!!!! My grandmother's birthday was also in May....the day after mine! It was so special to have so many birthday's at once!! One of my nephew's has a birthday in May, too! Ethel got married in May (the day before my birthday)....and I always smile when I think of her wedding day....freezing cold, "cleaning up" the champagne table with Carolina, the after-wedding party at my house (sorry, I have to remind Carolina of some of these blurred memories: "Doin' It All For Wheena", "The doctor's at your house?", the red drink on the carpet, that damn race on the TV, you staying an extra day to flop out). Mother's Day. Celebrating with my mom. Handmade mementos given to me by my babies.....May. May changed for me in the ring of the phone around 5pm on May 15, 2000 (the day after Mother's Day) when my dad called to say that my mom was "gone". The moments that it took for those words to sink in seemed endless. Daughter was 4 and totally freaked out as I immediately began to sob....deep sobs that erupted from the innermost part of my soul. I don't think she remembers. I look back now and feel so bad....she had to have been completely frightened and there was absolutely nothing I could do to help her. I was in such desperate need of my own mother whom I would never have hold me again....I was so empty that I couldn't do anything but wallow in my own misery. It grew worse as time elapsed. A week later I turned 30. Although my friends and family "went all out", it just was not the same. Yes, I have some excellent memories of the evening (Karaoke King, Carolina going swimming, the limo ride, dinner), but even when I reminisce about that night, there is an ever present chill at the core of it. Now, seven years later, I approach May with a morbid curiosity: "How will I react this year?" Some years it bothers me on Mother's Day. Some years it's on the day. Some years it's my birthday (which I absolutely despise now - I only go through the routine of the celebration because my children just don't understand and I hope they never do; I don't want to go to school because I still feel the emptiness of no doughnuts and milk despite the fact that I DO NOT WANT THEM unless the impossible were to happen & Mom could bring them; I don't want the kids or anyone else to acknowledge my birthday either, but, like my own children, they do not understand). Some years it's intermittently throughout the month. Sometimes I get grouchy. Other times I cry. On the best days I smile and giggle thinking about the memories. Today I woke up with a need to write about it. I didn't have time to actually write this morning. I "worked on it" mentally in the shower, intending to get it written down during my planning period.....when it was fresh and my emotions were raw. I never quite got there....which I am convinced is a good thing (as writing this has taken me through a tour of varied emotions) despite the fact that this "late" version is nothing compared to what I had conjured up this morning. I immersed myself in a project that wasn't due until Friday. The project is complete and in the hands of the Asst. Principal. Early. I don't even know if Luscious realizes how many times during the past 7 years she has helped me through the rough days at school that tend to plague May. I needed to focus on that project today to keep me busy. Our classes are working on a project together in the same room. She volunteered to work with all the kids so I could finish the project. The whole time she was apologizing because it was a grade-level project I was doing (in her words) "all the work". Keeping my mind on that project this morning and getting it complete today preserved my sanity. So, I guess we'll just have to wait and see how May 2007 pans out. Will it be another emotional roller coaster of elation and depression or will it meander along like any other month?