Stock Advice

Bob Dole speaking on Viagara on Larry King after revealing he was a test subject: "I wish I had bought stock in it."

Well, all, it's been a long time since I have posted. Lots of trivial garbage has gone on....stuff I couldn't even make humorous enough to post. Girl Scout cookies, school, basketball, blah blah blah. One development that I don't think I detailed was Daughter's entrance into the world of shaving. Daughter is 11 years old. I didn't think she'd be shaving yet. Oh the world we live in.

This tale begins about one month ago when I noticed my razor was placed differently in the shower. Considering we all use the shower, I didn't think too much of it AT THE TIME...it doesn't take much to knock things out of place in the shower. Forward a few days.....a gorgeous, warm day. Hubby takes Son and Finley to the beach on the sound side. Lots of seaweed to get into. Sand. Water. Little boys' delights. That night Son's knuckles are bright red and irritated. The cause? No definitve answer. ....possibly jellyfish?! Forward a few more days.....it's evening (a Wed. b/c it was Hubby's poker night) and I am wallowing in bed enjoying tv peacefully. Daughter comes in worried that Son had used her "bath puff". Her reason? She has red marks like he had had on his knuckles....hers were on her legs. At this point, she props a leg up on the edge of my bed. Red splotches covering the area between her knee and her ankle. Me....perplexed UNTIL I notice a lone hair sprouting from her shin. "When did you start shaving your legs?" I ask calmly. "Last week," Daughter's nonchalant response. Yes, razor burn from shaving with water. No soap. No lotion. No bath gel. Hmmm. I hope Son wasn't shaving his knuckles to get HIS marks. I broke down and bought her the proper supplies. My daughter is a shaver. In just over a week she completely used up a can of shaving lotion. Today, Luscious, her daughter Vera, Daughter, and I were illegally hanging out in the school workroom (NO KIDS ALLOWED!!!). I mentioned to Daughter that she needed to slow down on the shaving lotion. Luscious happened to rub Daughter's arm and commented on how smooth it was. Yeah, it's smooth! She has shaved her freakin' arms!!!! No...not her armPITS...her ARMS! We are not a hairy people. We have (or in her case HAD) blonde hair on our arms that is quite sparse. If we were Sasquatch....I'd completely understand. If she were a competitive swimmer, I'd completely understand. HOWEVER, there is no real need for her to shave her arms! At closer inspection, I found that she has stubble growing from her elbow up and shaved smooth from the elbow down. I pray that she doesn't pull a Britney Spears and begin shaving her damn head. My advice to you is to buy stock in shaving lotion and razors....my daughter will make you very rich people if her shaving habits continue.

PS Carolina and Ethel: You may be laughing at this.....BUT REMEMBER: Your time is coming and you each will have TWO daughters!