Note to Self

Just say NO. ~ Nancy Reagan

[Weather] can be a shattering force of ruin and desolation. But it can also be a patch of soft spring sky, a pattering of rain on thirsty leaves, a witchery of fog across the hills, a silence of snow over the city.
~ Phillip Thompson

Without the burden of time grad school imposed upon my life I felt compelled to get involved in other ventures after graduating. Using my new-found time in a stress-free manner was not good enough for me. I especially felt the need to be more involved with my children since they were practically abandoned by me during that two year debacle. Having fond memories of Girl Scouting, I decided to be a co-leader with Clementine. Space was available for me to do this because her co-leader was moving away. Excited about this new adventure, I had all sorts of ideas for things to do: camping, trips, earning badges, AND the mother of them all: taking part in the local Christmas parade. I love the BOOK The Polar Express by Chris Van Allsburg and thought, "Hey, a train...kids in pj's....bells of Christmas." Did I think hemorrhoid? NO. Should I have? YES. Hubby has taken the brunt of this harebrained idea and Brother and Brother's Wife even took off half a day of work to assemble and paint the *&"?! train. Fortunately Clem was able to locate a train that way already made...just had to be assembled and painted. I used one of my "get out of jail free" cards to leave school half an hour early. I had to pick up more paint since the paint that was mixed at Ace was NOT the black we had requested. The gallon was $27! So, in addition to the extra workload that my simple idea has created, the financial aspect has also been a burden. I was referred to a man who wanted to make a charitable donation to scouts during the holidays. I had mentioned the float to this person and she urged me to contact him. I hate to call and beg for money. Loathe is an even better word to describe my feelings about soliciting funds for anything. I should have ditched the idea since the man made me feel like I was some sort of monster...asking for money when there were needy people this time of year. He cited other groups he continuously donated to (both of which I am well familiar with and have contributed to in the past myself) as an example of his generosity and my selfishness. I would not have made such a call had it not been for the urging of this person. So, after I hung up, ashamed, I sat in my car in front of the hardware store and cried while my daughter asked for some help with her homework (then I went into the hardware store to pick up the paint wearing my sunglasses and looking like some drug-using freak). Add this to the other responsibilities associated with this time of year: Daughter's ball practice, church events, work responsibilities, gift shopping, Daughter's birthday party, Girl Scout meetings...blah, blah, blah...and it all equals a freakishly stressed household. I keep reading Hippie's Chick's blog and seeing all of her lovely Christmas decorations (example 1 and example 2)and then look at my house that still has freakin' gords and hay under the front tree, a Christmas tree in the back of the truck, not a single trace of Christmas ANYWHERE in my home (unless you count the 2 gifts I have wrapped and stacked among clutter in my bedroom). It looks like the atheists live here - which is probably what the man on the phone would think of me anyway! Want to hear the absolute BEST part? The fog has been thick and quite prevalent lately. Paint and fog don't mix. Hubby went to our friend's driveway (where the monstrosity is being assembled) last night to check on his baby. The dampness has totally screwed up the painting we did yesterday. It was all for nothing. The fog continues to roll in. So, for today, FOG IS A SHATTERING FORCE OF RUIN AND DESOLATION. I am not one of those New Years Resolution kind of people. However, I think I may give it a try this year. Why not? It may just be the only thing I can say NO to. My theme for 2007 will be SIMPLIFY. I will keep the commitments I have since I have already agreed to them....I can't just (shudder to say it) quit. However, I resolve to say NO any new time-stealer. I resolve to keep everything I have committed to SIMPLE. No more elaborate schemes. I see others who consistently live their lives in "half-ass" mode. They receive the same spoils in life without the stress, panic, anxiety, and overall nausea that comes with being a neurotic freak. I resolve to become a half-asser.