Shop 'Til You Drop

What is Wal-Mart? Is it, like, they sell wall stuff? ~ Paris Hilton

I composed a magnificent (humble, huh?) blog the other night about my shopping extravaganza with Luscious that took place last Saturday. I typed and typed trying to capture the essence of our excursion...practically succeeding. That's when Son crawled under the desk and pressed the reset button on the surge bar. Not taking time to 'save as draft' every few minutes fearing it would ruin my momentum, my anecdote was GONE. Lost forever as the computer shut down. I am going to attempt to do it again, but I am rather positive that it just won't have the same vibe as the original. Sorry to disappoint if it sucks. I am not checking my spelling or grammar or even rereading!

Weeks ago Luscious and I were discussing the "clothes coupons" we had recently acquired on our separate "back to school shopping" trips. She was in possession of some that were only valid from Sept. 7 -10. Yes, a small window of shopping opportunity, but a window nonetheless. My coupons weren't quite as stringent and weren't even for my own personal shopping...they were for Daughter's favorite clothes shop (Limited Too)....but, hey, shopping is shopping. Luscious and I always have an adventure when we go shopping. For those of you unfamiliar with the remote area in which we live, when we need (yes, NEED) to go shopping, it typically takes us to Nags Head (1hr. away) or to Chesapeake, VA (at least 3 hrs. away). Nags Head has the Wal-Mart and K-Mart and some outlet shops (Gap, Tommy Hilfigger, London Fog, etc.) but for the full mall experience, Virginia is the destination. Our coupons required the full mall experience, dictating a trip to VA. The date, Sat. the 9th, was set weeks ago and we were counting down the days. Planning our itinerary. Planning our meals (yes, this sounds lame, but it is essential when there aren't any Olive Gardens, Chili's, etc. anywhere closer than VA). Then, tragedy struck in the form of Ernesto (hurricane/tropical storm). We missed school the Friday before Labor Day due to the foul weather, but that meant the absolute worst: make up day on our day of shopping. Did that stop us? Not a bit. After the 12:45 dismissal, we prepped our rooms for Monday (which delayed our departure until almost 2) and headed north ("we" being me, Daughter, Luscious, and Little Luscious - 15 yr. old daughter of Luscious - sorry about the lame nickname....I will devise a better, more appropriate one later). Since starvation had come close to taking our lives, we felt the need to stop in Nags Head at the newest addition to the area: a Cold Stone Creamery. I am embarrassed to say that until this jaunt I was a Cold Stone Creamery virgin. Let me tell you how much I LOVED the delicious delight I ordered at the Cold Stone. I had some chocolate concoction (surprise) while Daughter had something called Mint Mint Chocolate Chocolate something or other. As much as I enjoyed mine, I think I will indulge in that minty goodness next time. Not wanting to risk life and limb to eat and drive, we delayed further travel until I was disgustingly full of that chocolatey treat (which was complemented by the waffle bowl). Thank the Lord I don't have to weigh THIS week! We pressed on toward our destination, planning all of our stops. We needed to go to Office Max/Depot (I cannot for the life of me remember which one....but does it really matter?) and TAPS (Teacher and Parent Store) for classroom supplies. We planned on visiting several shops at the mall (Aeropostale, Limited Too, Pearle Vision, Claire's, JCPenny, the standard Asian-run manicure/pedicure shop, KB Toys, NY & Co. as well as anything else that tickled our fancy). Quite a lofty agenda for such a small amount of time....but, hey, a girl can dream. We also knew Wal-Mart was in order for personal needs as well as cheaper classroom needs. Sadly, our late departure (and stops) soon led to shaving our list down a bit. First to go was Pearle Vision. I was supposed to pick up Daughter's spare glasses (no, I did not hinder her visual capability in order to get a pedicure...she is presently wearing her NEW frames and lenses). It was 5-ish when we hit the Office Max/Depot. We were too cheap to buy our classroom supplies there (six date stamps and ink pads were way too much money for our destructive 2nd graders....plus there weren't enough for each of us to get the 6; 6 does seem excessive, but each writing toolbox needs one in accordance with our new writing program). Finally we arrived at the mall. Daughter and I headed straight to Limited Too to sink a small fortune into clothing because I had coupons. What better reason? All the sparkly trinkets work their magic on Daughter....I have to lead her away from all the needless "junk" the store sells in order to get her to select which clothes will satisfy her picky taste in attire. While we were in Limited Too, Luscious and Little Luscious tackled NY & Co and Aeropostale. This brings me to the first question I have for pondering: How did groups of shoppers ever find each other and successfully shop separately prior to cell phones? Although I lived through such an era, I find it quite archaic to even dream of shopping without the cell phone. "Hey, where are you?" "Where to next?" "Meet you there." Well, back to the saga....Since we had more coupons, our next stop was Bath and Body Works. It seemed like a quick trip through the shop...I'm sure if Hubby was there it would have seemed like an eternity to him. I know that Bath and Body Works is listed on his Top Ten Stores I Hate...along with Old Navy and Limited Too. The next major stop was to the Asian-run nail place. Daughter was excited because she was going to get in on the girl action and get her toes painted by a professional for the first time. She didn't want a pedicure or anything quite like that...just her nails painted with some cute designs. OOPS! Back up a sec...prior to going to the shop, we went to buy new nail polish to take with us to the nail shop so we would be able to match our colors when we chipped our nails at home. Thus, question two: Shouldn't there be some kind of discount at the nail place when you take your own polish? Especially when you practically have to physically engage someone violently to get it back? Luscious, Little Luscious, and I were all enjoying our foot soak when the meanest tech in the place came to get Daughter. As they walked by I reminded Daughter to tell the tech that she wanted fancy lines, too. Well, as it turned out, since I hadn't specifically written "fancy design" next to her name when I signed her in, the meanie wouldn't do the fancy nails....deflating Daughter's grand illusion of what it would be like to get her nails done with the rest of us. Since she IS my daughter, she became angry, lashing out with her wicked tongue (after we left thankfully). We didn't quite understand because Little Luscious (who did not write "fancy toes" next to her name) was able to get the fancy polish. The Mean One also put Daughter's polish back on the store's rack so we had to hunt it down and reclaim it (I had to dig mine out from a pile of polish next to my foot spa station). Daughter went from happiness and joy to foul and nasty in a mere 0.1 seconds. It was suddenly the worst day of her life...yes, these words came out of her dramatic mouth. The fact that the mall was closing without a visit to Claire's, KB Toys, or the pet shop didn't do much to help the situation. It was now almost 10 pm and it was time for dinner. Daughter protested with word and deed (she has quite the serious pout) about our choice of Olive Garden for dinner. However, by the time we got inside and ordered, she was euphoric. Was this mood swing hormonal? I was flabberghasted. We all ate and laughed. Luscious and I felt pretty sick after our meals...The Cult (Weight Watchers) has really affected the quantities of food we are now able to eat. I know it's a good thing overall, but I miss the days when we could eat forever. Finally, well after 10 pm, it was time for Wal-Mart. I was unimpressed with this Wal-Mart. I'm sure the fact that it was so late helped detract from the ambiance further. Believe it or not, we actually heard an announcement that it was against the rules to play football in the store. We think we saw the alleged players....we saw 20-somethings racing motorized carts shortly thereafter. Who would have thought we would be able to shop and witness sporting events in the Wal-Mart at that time of night. Since the events of the night are now kind of foggy (it was a few weeks ago), I don't know how long we actually wandered through the joint or really even all the stuff we looked at, but it was after midnight when we finally left the Wal-Mart. Are you doing the math? I still had a 3 hr. drive to get to my cozy bed! I am notoriously bad about putting gas in my car. (Knocking on wood) I have never run out, but I know it's my destiny since I cut it so close. Here I am after midnight knowing that I cannot get home without gas. Yes, I could always use my credit card, but I always have this fear that my card will not work (note that the fear has not forced me to change my ways). I found a place that was open with really cheap gas - score - only to discover that you had to pay first. I HATE THAT! I knew I was filling up and Daughter was starving (how, I don't now) so I presented the guy with a $100...confident that the $50 I had wouldn't cover both gas and snack. He gave me such a happy look. I pumped....leaving Daughter in the store to forage....and then got my change and headed south. Poor Luscious, suffering from the 1st cold of the year after spending a short amount of time with the germ spreaders at school, felt terrible! Bringing me to another question: What kind of world are we living in when we cannot pay for gas AFTER pumping and we can't buy decent over-the-counter cold medicine in Wal-Mart after the pharmacy is closed?! Have you tried to buy cold medicine lately? Thanks to the kids hopped up on methamphetamine, you have to get a card for your medicine (similar to those needed when making a big purchase at Toys-R-Us) and take it to the pharmacy to get your meds. If you are sick and need medicine after the pharmacy is closed, you are SOL. ANYHOW, it was after 2:30 when I dropped her off at her house....leaving me with the last 40-45 minutes alone with a sleeping child and my XM. Oh! I forgot one of the biggies! Before we went into the mall, Luscious discovered that the sticker on my license plate had expired in March. I am oh-so-thankful that I never got pulled or got entangled in a license check. Did I stress about it? DUH! Stress isn't my middle name....it's the first! I finally arrived home around 3:30 and went directly to bed. I slept until 8 or 9, skipped church, and even took a nap from 1 to 3 (so unlike me in my present life). Since we'd had the fortune of Saturday school, Sunday was my only day off and instead of using it for sunning myself at the beach, I spent it in my pj's napping away the exhaustion of my shopping trip. As always, it was another long, BUT FUN shopping trip with Luscious.

OK, definitely not as much humor as the original story (ruined by Son), but it's done and I have posted. I figured I needed to get something out there since I have had a formal complaint lodged against me....tee hee.