Trepidation

Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety or the handle of faith. ~ Henry Ward Beecher

Here it is.....the day I could quite possibly mail that bitch of a blue box that has been staring at me tauntingly for months on end. In one hour we meet with our facilitator who shows us how to pack THE BOX. I have stressed about this work for months. I have spent my Spring Break restlessly preparing the contents of the box: writing, reading, rereading, rewriting, printing, reprinting, anally stacking, checking, clipping, rechecking.....am I ever going to be able to actually part with these materials. Four entries: Entry 1: 13 FULL pages (I'm talking no paragraphs, no extra lines), 6 samples of writing from my students; Entry 2: 12 FULL pages, 4 instructional materials w/one page commentaries, 1 video of me teaching, classroom map, and a lovely photocopy of my license (blown up to its gorgeous 200% requirement); Entry 3: 11 (?) FULL pages; 3 instructional materials w/one page of commentaries for each, 1 video of me teaching, classroom map, and the license; Entry 4: 10 pages of accomplishments, 16 pages of documentation. If I were Charlotte (the spider), I would call this my magnum opus. I'm really wanting to grab that handle of faith, especially since I have the written test looming (May 9th to be exact). I desperately want to mail that box so I can enjoy a few days of break before the glory of Science Fest descends. I DO NOT want to be anxiety-ridden over this until NOVEMBER (when I finally find out if I achieved or not). Hubby said the other day, "At least with all the work with grad school you KNEW you were getting it." Isn't that the truth!!!! OK. I'm now going to throw on some clean clothes, put my hair in a ponytail (revealing the wonderful patch of psoriasis that lovingly appears whenever I have stressed myself to the max), and head to school to spend my last few hours with my creation. PLEASE LET IT BE GOOD ENOUGH!!!! I CANNOT IMAGINE SPENDING ANOTHER CHUNK OF MY LIFE ON THIS PORTION OF MY BOARDS (yes, I WILL have to renew in 10 yrs. - IF I get it this year). Handle of faith. Handle of faith. Handle of faith.