Roast: informal...to ridicule or criticize harshly...a facetious tribute, as at a banquet, in which the honoree is alternately praised and insulted~the freedictionary.com
Which definition is the most accurate? You be the judge!
Thank you for allowing me the distinct pleasure of being a part of this prestigious event. What a fabulous opportunity to reunite our honoree with a secret guest from his past (reveal box). Eight years ago I agreed to reveal to our guest of honor how I came to acquire this fine piece of craftsmanship. Until now, I had not kept up my part of the bargain. After hearing about this, I immediately knew that there was no better way to honor both the guest of honor and my secret. After wondering where the contents of this box were for 2 years, thinking it was somehow MY fault that they had not materialized, MY family (also known as Hubby's family), knowing my heartache over not knowing where the contents of this box was, made it their personal goal to put an end to my suffering. The contents of this box were sitting on a shelf at the funeral home. With the help of some amazing people, the balance of the bill was handled and I was finally at peace having possession of her remains, knowing that she was finally being honored in a respectful way. (Look at honoree) Did you ever wonder where she was or why the bills stopped coming? (Look at new one) My advice to you? Make sure your affairs are in order so this fate doesn't fall upon you...unless an eternity of sitting in a plastic bag on a shelf sounds enticing to you. LAUGHTER Now that I have your attention, I'd also like to take a moment to introduce you to your grandchildren...these are the children who live here year-round...they, like the grandchildren that visit a few times per year, like to go to the beach and go fishing. And now that you have a few moments to relax, and I have taken a considerable shorter amount of time than alotted, I hope you enjoy listening to one of the selections your granddaughter played in the all-district band...I know finding 8 minutes in your busy life to merely listen to the performance is extremely difficult. Don't worry...I wouldn't dream of making you listen to the other 3 selections. LEAVE THE BUILDING
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Thursday, February 10, 2011
This is Why You Suck
I'm a Tar Heel born, I'm a Tar Heel bred.
And when I die, I'm a Tar Heel dead.
So it's rah-rah, Car'lina-'lina!
Rah-rah, Car'lina-'lina!
Rah-rah, Car'lina-'lina!
GO TO HELL, DUKE!
To my Duke friends who respectfully engage in the rivalry, please know this is not directed toward you...basically, THIS particular rant is the result of one Duke fan who would be an embarrassment to have representing either camp. Years ago Luscious and I (both Carolina fans) celebrated the rivalry and engaged in all sorts of infantile antics with our former assistant principal, Lloyd. He is a Duke fan, proudly displaying that fact by hanging a Duke pennant in his office. Luscious and I snuck in there one day and childishly covered the "D" with a "P". We would enter our classrooms to find articles or quotes on our chalkboards (yes, dating myself by mentioning a CHALKboard). Healthy, fun-filled celebration of the rivalry. Sometimes we would get the students involved...but nothing nasty. I remember doing some craft project in Luscious's classroom and the kids had a choice between yarn colors...of course we joked about the Carolina Blue yarn being the best (and considering we were dealing with 6 and 7 yr. olds, most of them agreed with us). Yes, we got the kids a bit riled up and it was, to a degree, a bit of brainwashing...but harmless non-the-less. Working with us was Spring. She is a Duke fan. The yarn thing and the kids cheering for UNC was clearly displeasing to her. I'm not sure exactly what basketball season it was...somewhere in the mid-to-late 90's...the joking got pretty heated...BUT IN COMPLETE, MUTUALLY UNDERSTOOD, GOOD-NATURED FUN. Luscious and I would devise ways to jab at Lloyd and he would devise ways to jab at us...it made the workplace fun. I'm always up for SOME kind of infantile antics. Well, I don't exactly know why, but Spring got terribly nasty about the whole thing...telling us that we needed to stop before someone got their feelings hurt. Luscious, Lloyd, and I KNEW it was all fun and games...ridiculous amusement among ourselves. Other than an occasional verbal quip, we did not deface any of her things. It was not all one-sided either...she made remarks as well. However, the antics were mainly between Luscious, Lloyd, and me. One day she REALLY got ill about the situation. Her nastiness led to the end of our joy. It was no longer fun to receive the anti-Carolina propaganda knowing that there would be a pout and/or lecture from her. We basically told Lloyd that we had to cease and desist because Spring was making it so miserable for us EVEN WHEN WE WERE LAUGHING about receiving anti-Carolina material. It was a healthy, jovial exchange BUT THEN SOMEONE HAD TO RUIN IT!!! Although it never did entirely end, it just wasn't the same. Having to hide our antics and verbal exchanges from Spring took the fun out of it. Even in later years, it never reached the frenzy it had been...it was the end of an era. What I find completely annoying about the situation TO THIS DAY is that whenever it works in HER favor, Spring goes out of her way to rub Duke in my face. After her childish tantrum, I NEVER again mentioned Carolina/Duke to her. Not to say I haven't refuted a comment or retaliated with a snippy remark, but NOTHING compared to what I COULD be doing or saying. AND I never initiate an attack. To this day I swear it was jealousy over being left out of the juvenile antics that incited her fit, but I truly do not care what prompted it. What irritates me now is that she is the one that STILL dishes it out...even though SHE was the one who put an end to it. So, once again making what COULD have been a short story into a long one, I was COMPLETELY pissed off this morning when I checked my Facebook to see that she had posted on one of my comments. I wrote as my status:
And when I die, I'm a Tar Heel dead.
So it's rah-rah, Car'lina-'lina!
Rah-rah, Car'lina-'lina!
Rah-rah, Car'lina-'lina!
GO TO HELL, DUKE!
To my Duke friends who respectfully engage in the rivalry, please know this is not directed toward you...basically, THIS particular rant is the result of one Duke fan who would be an embarrassment to have representing either camp. Years ago Luscious and I (both Carolina fans) celebrated the rivalry and engaged in all sorts of infantile antics with our former assistant principal, Lloyd. He is a Duke fan, proudly displaying that fact by hanging a Duke pennant in his office. Luscious and I snuck in there one day and childishly covered the "D" with a "P". We would enter our classrooms to find articles or quotes on our chalkboards (yes, dating myself by mentioning a CHALKboard). Healthy, fun-filled celebration of the rivalry. Sometimes we would get the students involved...but nothing nasty. I remember doing some craft project in Luscious's classroom and the kids had a choice between yarn colors...of course we joked about the Carolina Blue yarn being the best (and considering we were dealing with 6 and 7 yr. olds, most of them agreed with us). Yes, we got the kids a bit riled up and it was, to a degree, a bit of brainwashing...but harmless non-the-less. Working with us was Spring. She is a Duke fan. The yarn thing and the kids cheering for UNC was clearly displeasing to her. I'm not sure exactly what basketball season it was...somewhere in the mid-to-late 90's...the joking got pretty heated...BUT IN COMPLETE, MUTUALLY UNDERSTOOD, GOOD-NATURED FUN. Luscious and I would devise ways to jab at Lloyd and he would devise ways to jab at us...it made the workplace fun. I'm always up for SOME kind of infantile antics. Well, I don't exactly know why, but Spring got terribly nasty about the whole thing...telling us that we needed to stop before someone got their feelings hurt. Luscious, Lloyd, and I KNEW it was all fun and games...ridiculous amusement among ourselves. Other than an occasional verbal quip, we did not deface any of her things. It was not all one-sided either...she made remarks as well. However, the antics were mainly between Luscious, Lloyd, and me. One day she REALLY got ill about the situation. Her nastiness led to the end of our joy. It was no longer fun to receive the anti-Carolina propaganda knowing that there would be a pout and/or lecture from her. We basically told Lloyd that we had to cease and desist because Spring was making it so miserable for us EVEN WHEN WE WERE LAUGHING about receiving anti-Carolina material. It was a healthy, jovial exchange BUT THEN SOMEONE HAD TO RUIN IT!!! Although it never did entirely end, it just wasn't the same. Having to hide our antics and verbal exchanges from Spring took the fun out of it. Even in later years, it never reached the frenzy it had been...it was the end of an era. What I find completely annoying about the situation TO THIS DAY is that whenever it works in HER favor, Spring goes out of her way to rub Duke in my face. After her childish tantrum, I NEVER again mentioned Carolina/Duke to her. Not to say I haven't refuted a comment or retaliated with a snippy remark, but NOTHING compared to what I COULD be doing or saying. AND I never initiate an attack. To this day I swear it was jealousy over being left out of the juvenile antics that incited her fit, but I truly do not care what prompted it. What irritates me now is that she is the one that STILL dishes it out...even though SHE was the one who put an end to it. So, once again making what COULD have been a short story into a long one, I was COMPLETELY pissed off this morning when I checked my Facebook to see that she had posted on one of my comments. I wrote as my status:
I am familiar enough with the rivalry to know that anything one says or does can easily turn around and bite you in the ass (case in point: last night). Yes, this was an anti-Duke sentiment, but veiled...well, until I added a brief explanation to a co-worker who wondered to whom I was directing my comment. Spring wrote, in response to the above post, "WooHoo! Go Duke!" Now, I am NOT saying I didn't deserve some comment, BUT the fact that SHE did it after the bitch-fit from the 90's INFURIATES ME!!!!!!! Either let the game proceed or don't participate at all. DON'T rub my nose in it unless you are willing to receive some smack as well. Wonder what she'll think when she sees my response to her comment: "EFFFFF DUKE....ALL DAY EVERY DAY!!!!!!!!!! BTW, Spring, I find it quite comical how you take the time to personally post on MY wall when it turns out in your favor. I recall you specifically telling us to stop when we celebrated the rivalry years ago...thanks for reaffirming my dedication to my team and confirming my beliefs about certain opposing fans...". Respect the rules of engagement or face the consequences.
Tuesday, February 08, 2011
Where I Come From....
"That's where I come from, Where I'll be when it's said and done, Well I'm proud as anyone, That's where I come from..."~Kenny Chesney
Where I come from is NOT perfect. It is an isolated strip of sand off the coast of North Carolina. The closest Walmart is over one hour away. The economy is dependent upon the tourism business. When the national economy is bad, our economy is horrendous. Other than Subway, it's an hour to get to any fast food. The winters are desolate and often dreary and cold. The wind howls practically all year. The roads can be flooded with briny water either from the ocean or sound at any time. Most businesses close during the winter. Hurricanes are a constant threat. Drama is abundant, as it is EVERYWHERE (those who don't believe that are fooling themselves). However, it is one of the most beautiful places on Earth! The sunsets are breathtaking! The wildlife is amazing. Dolphins jumping and frolicking off the beach even during the coldest, nastiest days confirms my belief in God. I LOVE living here! It's not for everyone. I believe it takes a certain type of person to happily live here. The desolation is soothing and is a perfect compliment to the crazy pace of summer when all the tourists are here. Knowing I can let my children go anywhere in the village safely is comforting. Anyway, I could babble on for pages about why I love where I live...but that is not getting me to my point: if you don't like it here, MOVE! Highway 12 DOES run north. Those of you who detest being here, and feel the need to constantly bash the lifestyle here, GET THE HELL OUT! Please relieve your own displeasure and stop contributing to ours (referring to those of us who like being here). Quit bitching and do something to remedy your situation. If you hate the school, quit bitching about it on Facebook and take your kids somewhere else (complaining about trail mix...REALLY?!). If you hate the drama, go live in a cave (because drama is everywhere). If you hate the economy, go somewhere that can provide you with a job. This is how the world works here, love it or leave it! Hmmm....didn't realize how angry all those FB posts were making me...ha ha!
Where I come from is NOT perfect. It is an isolated strip of sand off the coast of North Carolina. The closest Walmart is over one hour away. The economy is dependent upon the tourism business. When the national economy is bad, our economy is horrendous. Other than Subway, it's an hour to get to any fast food. The winters are desolate and often dreary and cold. The wind howls practically all year. The roads can be flooded with briny water either from the ocean or sound at any time. Most businesses close during the winter. Hurricanes are a constant threat. Drama is abundant, as it is EVERYWHERE (those who don't believe that are fooling themselves). However, it is one of the most beautiful places on Earth! The sunsets are breathtaking! The wildlife is amazing. Dolphins jumping and frolicking off the beach even during the coldest, nastiest days confirms my belief in God. I LOVE living here! It's not for everyone. I believe it takes a certain type of person to happily live here. The desolation is soothing and is a perfect compliment to the crazy pace of summer when all the tourists are here. Knowing I can let my children go anywhere in the village safely is comforting. Anyway, I could babble on for pages about why I love where I live...but that is not getting me to my point: if you don't like it here, MOVE! Highway 12 DOES run north. Those of you who detest being here, and feel the need to constantly bash the lifestyle here, GET THE HELL OUT! Please relieve your own displeasure and stop contributing to ours (referring to those of us who like being here). Quit bitching and do something to remedy your situation. If you hate the school, quit bitching about it on Facebook and take your kids somewhere else (complaining about trail mix...REALLY?!). If you hate the drama, go live in a cave (because drama is everywhere). If you hate the economy, go somewhere that can provide you with a job. This is how the world works here, love it or leave it! Hmmm....didn't realize how angry all those FB posts were making me...ha ha!
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