Big Blue

Sorry....no time to find a quote right now.....maybe I'll edit later! ~ Kristin

I just checked the site and the Big Blue Box has reached her destination!!!!!!!!!!

In the Mail!!!!!!!!!!!

There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. Yet that will be the beginning. ~ Louis L'Amour

There she is, folks. Getting weighed and insured for $2500 (the amount I'll owe NC if it doesn't arrive). Do I think it's finished? No. However, I've known that I would never feel that it was "done". I just got to the point where I was ready to mail it. Now.....I study for the test (take the test May 9) AND WAIT FOR NOVEMBER!!!!!!!!!!!!

Trepidation

Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety or the handle of faith. ~ Henry Ward Beecher

Here it is.....the day I could quite possibly mail that bitch of a blue box that has been staring at me tauntingly for months on end. In one hour we meet with our facilitator who shows us how to pack THE BOX. I have stressed about this work for months. I have spent my Spring Break restlessly preparing the contents of the box: writing, reading, rereading, rewriting, printing, reprinting, anally stacking, checking, clipping, rechecking.....am I ever going to be able to actually part with these materials. Four entries: Entry 1: 13 FULL pages (I'm talking no paragraphs, no extra lines), 6 samples of writing from my students; Entry 2: 12 FULL pages, 4 instructional materials w/one page commentaries, 1 video of me teaching, classroom map, and a lovely photocopy of my license (blown up to its gorgeous 200% requirement); Entry 3: 11 (?) FULL pages; 3 instructional materials w/one page of commentaries for each, 1 video of me teaching, classroom map, and the license; Entry 4: 10 pages of accomplishments, 16 pages of documentation. If I were Charlotte (the spider), I would call this my magnum opus. I'm really wanting to grab that handle of faith, especially since I have the written test looming (May 9th to be exact). I desperately want to mail that box so I can enjoy a few days of break before the glory of Science Fest descends. I DO NOT want to be anxiety-ridden over this until NOVEMBER (when I finally find out if I achieved or not). Hubby said the other day, "At least with all the work with grad school you KNEW you were getting it." Isn't that the truth!!!! OK. I'm now going to throw on some clean clothes, put my hair in a ponytail (revealing the wonderful patch of psoriasis that lovingly appears whenever I have stressed myself to the max), and head to school to spend my last few hours with my creation. PLEASE LET IT BE GOOD ENOUGH!!!! I CANNOT IMAGINE SPENDING ANOTHER CHUNK OF MY LIFE ON THIS PORTION OF MY BOARDS (yes, I WILL have to renew in 10 yrs. - IF I get it this year). Handle of faith. Handle of faith. Handle of faith.

My New Boyfriend

Having a good boyfriend is like having a good bra, it's all about support. ~ unknown

Yep, folks, I've got a new boyfriend. The newest in a line of very important men in my life. First there were Bartles & James who showered me with liquid refreshment while taking the stress out of my life. Those were some wild old men! Then I moved on to Ben and Jerry. Their tasty treats so delicious and decadent....until they betrayed me. Their cool, creamy comfort landed me in Weight Watchers. Bastards. Now my new boyfriend is TomTom. He led me straight to Cullowhee even when I disobeyed by alternating my route for potty breaks. He did not retort with a disapproving, "RECALCULATING" (like that Garmin bitch) if I altered the path. Instead, I was kindly urged to turn around at my convenience. The only disturbing thing about Tom Squared (as I affectionately call him) is his voice....HE sounds more like a SHE. Despite that, I think I'm in love. And don't worry.....Hubby knows about my new boyfriend....he bought him for me.

A Quick Blurp

she tells you she's an orphan after you meet her family ~ Black Crows

Disclaimer: the above quote concerns an issue that has been on my mind for a couple of months...those of you who know me best will understand what this references.

Life has been so completely hectic and insane...I have had no time or desire to write. My Boards keep me writing so much that I don't feel like writing anything else....kinda like grad school. When I was done with that, I needed to write and this was my outlet. Now, that endeavor depletes my writing energy. Having said that....a quick update.

Jan. 18 was Hubby's 40th. We had a kick-ass surprise party for him at Ethel's house (like the drunken pic?!). Friends, food, drinks, video montage, karaoke, live entertainment.....stayin' out far too late: AWESOME! Pics are on my MySpace. If you join, let me know so I can add you as a friend - it's the only way to see my profile.

Socializing has been made a priority this new year....well, not really a priority, but a wonderful diversion from the mundane demands of life. Daughter is able to babysit for us now which enables us to have more time to go out with friends. Our friend Chris Bellamy came to town a few weeks ago. It was AWESOME to hear him play, but since I was trying desperately to recover from a hideous cough, I didn't get to enjoy it to the fullest extent (i.e. I remained completely sober - bummer). Hubby and his friends have all had it too so that has put the social life on hold for a bit....gives me time to rest up as well as give my liver a reprieve.

Did I bitch about my National Boards? WHAT POSSESSES ME TO DO THIS CRAP?!

Daughter continues to do well in school. She LOVES 6th grade and I am so grateful! I was so worried about how she'd adjust to the new school. She's happier than she has been in quite a while.....as far as school goes. She's in the midst of basketball season and is playing the best she has ever played! She is much more aggressive and confident! Her newest acquisition is her metal mouth....yes, the braces (adorned appropriately with Carolina Blue rubber bands) are reality. She has them on the front 6 teeth on the top and bottom. She gets the "back" part in March. She is also getting a contraption called a "Herbst appliance" (I think that's what it is called). It replaces the headgear of yore. Back teeth on both top and bottom will be capped and metal "bars" (that remind me of the contraption on the screen door that allow it to close slowly) will connect the top and bottom.

Son is doing great in kindergarten. He is learning to read and write. We are in the midst of our newest family project (did I ever mention that his teacher put the turkey - see Nov. blog - on the wall while it was still wet and it peeled paint off the wall?): designing and creating a valentine box. We are making a surf-oriented box because he loves to surf and skate. These projects (his & Daughter's) combined with all the crap I'm having to do with the shit known as National Boards (can you tell I'm over it?!) are about to send me over the freakin' edge!

Anyway, I felt guilty about not posting anything so I hope this is enough for now. As I said, I haven't had much writing energy lately.

Cheatin'

don't feel like writing......but check out the band (Daughter is the 2nd seat in clarinets)

Bleary-eyed

I once asked this literary agent what writing paid the best, and he said, "ransom notes."
~ Get Shorty

I am hoping that this National Board writing gains me the label "Nationally Board Certified". Short of ransom notes, it is also the means to earning a 12% raise. I have spent the majority of this day watching the video of my lesson (I will scream if this portion doesn't get a nod of approval from the person overseeing our endeavor - but it won't surprise me b/c the sound isn't the best) and writing bullshit answers to bullshit questions. Am I done with this portion? NO! Am I over this for today? YES. I could feasibly work some more on it, but I have church Family Night which requires a covered dish. Do I know what I am making? No. Would I rather stay home? Yes. No can do though since Son is in the Nativity. I found out last night that he needs to know how to sing Away in a Manger. It's been a year since we broke out in Christmas song (except for the bogus songs Hubby keeps playing from Special XMas on XM....but those are definitely not appropriate for tonight). So, thanks to LimeWire we periodically practice. I guess I should go begin getting ready....did I mention it's 4:20 & I don't know what time it starts? Good times.

New Song

How You Live (Turn Up the Music)
Verse 1:Wake up to the sunlight
With your windows open
Don't hold in your anger or leave things unspoken
Wear your red dress
Use your good dishes
Make a big mess and make lots of wishes
Have what you want
But want what you have
And don't spend your life lookin' back

Chorus:Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
You won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
Cuz it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live

Verse 2:So go to the ballgames
And go to the ballet
And go see your folks more than just on the holidays
Kiss all your children
Dance with your wife
Tell your husband you love him every night
Don't run from the truth
'Cause you can't get away
Just face it and you'll be okay

Chorus:Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
You won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live

Bridge:Oh wherever you are and wherever you've been
Now is the time to begin

Verse 3:So give to the needy
And pray for the grieving
E'en when you don't think that you can
'Cause all that you do is bound to come back to you
So think of your fellow man
Make peace with God and make peace with yourself'
Cause in the end there's nobody else

Chorus: Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been'
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live ~ Point of Grace

I heard this song on the way home from work last NIGHT (yes, I worked until after 8 last night & yes, I am merely a teacher & no, it wasn't for the National Boards). It stuck a chord. Enjoy.

Turkey Break

The family should be a closely knit group. The home should be a self-contained shelter of security; a kind of school where life’s basic lessons are taught; and a kind of church where God is honored; a place where wholesome recreation and simple pleasures are enjoyed. ~ Billy Graham

Break is over, unfortunately. I was able to put the National Boards on the backburner for a bit....until tonight when the reality of life started gnawing at me. The day before Thanksgiving, the kids and I took advantage of the warm, sunny weather and took a stroll on the beach. We soaked in the warmth of the rays, took fun pictures, and enjoyed each other's company. I am thankful for my family and the opportunity to spend wonderful days with them. :0)

BTW.....How can I put the pics where I want them instead of lined up in an ugly, uncreative fashion?!

Trivial Pursuit - 80's Edition

Cowabunga, Dude! ~ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Friday night rocked! My clan and Ethel's clan went over to the Karaoke King's palace for an evening of laughter, drinks, snacks, and Trivial Pursuit! We had a fantastic time hangin' out.....it wouldn't have been any less enjoyable even if we HAD lost the game....but boy was winning SWEET!

Zombie

A ruffled mind makes a restless pillow. ~ Charlotte Bronte

I tossed and turned, tossed and turned, AND tossed and turned. Then I was hot. Then I was itchy. Finally, I dozed off for a short nap before my eyes popped open at 3:15. It was that "pop open" that immediately lets you know that there is NO way you are going back to sleep any time soon. There was nothing acceptable on tv (and I will watch some garbage) so I got up and worked on the Social Studies lesson I am going to teach for the National Boards. For my lesson (which must feature artwork linked to Social Studies as well as demonstrate that I have created a classroom community where everybody gets along and problem-solves) the students (in small groups - another requirement of this lesson) will create campaign artwork and a slogan to try to get a character from a book elected to represent our class in the 2nd grade election. I searched for campaign posters, bumper stickers, magnets, bags, buttons, etc. from several elections and created a PowerPoint asking the students to observe the features of these campaign items (prominent name, year, slogan, colors, pictures, etc.). I also created a worksheet to help guide them through the creation of their artwork. They will get to choose whichever medium they would like to campaign for their candidate. I hope the video of this lesson turns out well. I'm putting all my eggs in this basket for right now so it better pay off!!! I finished my work and went back to bed at 6:30. I AM SO GLAD I DON'T HAVE SCHOOL TODAY!! I was able to sleep until 8:30 when the rest of the free world felt that it was acceptable to call: two telemarketers and the children's dentist to confirm Daughter's appointment for next week. I wanted to scream, but I guess I needed to start the day. I'll pull my hair out if I can't sleep tonight. I am not one of those people that can exist without enough sleep. I become even nastier than usual [beat you to the insult, Hubby ;-) ] and have even less patience than normal. Already I feel as though I spent last night out partying when I merely spent a quiet evening at home....well, as quiet as a house can get with two kids who are treading on each other's nerves.

Starfall.com

It's my special dot com. ~ Son

Luscious reminded me recently of a site that I had found during grad school. Now that Son is at that "learning to read" phase, it's perfect. Today I told him that I was going to tell his teacher about it. He balked because...."It's my special dot com." Luscious and I were on the phone when this all went down and we both giggled. I wanted to make sure I remembered it so I figured I'd blog about it. If you have a child who is learning to read, check it out....but don't tell Son....you know why: it's his special dot com. ;0)

Asshole

I'm an asshole. I'm an asshole. I'm an asshole am I. But there' no bigger asshole than a GD Lambda Chi. ~ frat boys singing outside the Lambda Chi house btwn. '88-'92

Last night Luscious and I were scurrying across the parking lot between the Four Seasons Mall and the Sheraton. It was in the 40's and neither of us were wearing coats....who wants to tote a coat around the mall?! We had to spend more time outdoors because I had forgotten to take my phone charger into the hotel and we had to get it out of the car before both of our phones were dead. I didn't know where the vehicle was parked since I had had the joy of waiting with the bell man (def. not boy) with our stuff while she parked the day we arrived. On our way to the gas-guzzling SUV (pointed out to us at a gas station on the way here by some guy in a minuscule car aka DEATH TRAP), we spied a parking spot quite close to the entrance of the hotel. As per Luscious's instructions, I ran to the empty spot (in heels, mind you) and stood in it so nobody could park in it. Before she could reach me, a chick in a car pulled up wanting my space. I yelled to her that someone was coming. Her response: I don't care. I smiled and stood my ground hoping she wouldn't mow me down to get the coveted spot. Rather than maim me, she called me an asshole and angrily drove away. Fortunately, Luscious was right behind her. I was afraid she might come back and (to quote Stevie - Ethel and Carolina will get this one) "kick my ass". Yes, it was an asshole move....but today will be much sweeter when we have to get all of our crap to the car. Not only did we bring a bunch of stuff....but we've acquired MORE!!! Yay for a successful trip!!!

PROCRASTINATION

He's looking so geeky he couldn't even get into a science-fiction convention. ~ Red Dwarf

BUT she's just geeky enough to present at the North Carolina Science Teacher's convention! I have so much to do that I am procrastinating by sitting in front of this screen. We present tomorrow. What's done? The PowerPoints. My clothes are in a bag (NOT IRONED - Luscious will have hives over that one!) Not done:
* all the supplies are not gathered and packed
* the hand-outs are not copied
* the links to the documents have not been uploaded to my school web site (didn't know I had that one, did you?)
* my plans are not printed nor are the materials lined up in my typically anal fashion
* there isn't enough gas in my car for me to get to work
* Son's turkey project (due Fri., but has to go w/me today) is still wet with glue even though I glued it on Monday. OK...maybe I squeezed a lot on there BUT the hot glue would not adhere to the Fun Foam so I was left with Elmer's Glue All. Let me tell you.....Elmer's Glue All does not want to glue potpourri onto Fun Foam. I guess I should take a picture and post it here....maybe that can be another form of procrastination. If this turkey pic DOES materialize, please keep in mind that I must glue the eyes on at school. The wiggle eyes that I have here just aren't the right size. Just like everything else, I am anal about family projects. Poor Son has to get up and explain how he made it with his family. I can just hear it now, "My mom cut and glued and yelled for all of us to stay away from it." I can't have some junky lookin' stuff representing OUR family!
Did I mention that I have to teach until 2? I hope this stuff gets done! Yet, here I sit as if some fairy is going to do all this crap. Let me go photo the gooey turkey and think about getting in the shower so we can possibly get out the door with only a minimum of yelling.

Another Post?! Moments After the Rock-Bottom Bi-Polar Plunge?

Dad always said that laughter is the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died from tuberculosis. ~ Jack Handey

Before I closed e-blogger, I checked my list of posts and found some that I had never completed and/or posted for one reason or another. I don't know why I never published the one I found in May 2007 entitled The Upside of May. Maybe b/c it was a few sentences short of being complete. Well, it's done now AND posted. Above all, it made me smile....just what I needed after the wrist-splitter (JUST JOKING....it's called sarcasm) I composed a little while ago. Proves that life at work without Luscious just won't be the same.

Insecurity

That's why actors can take on other lives, because I think basically, at the bottom of everything, they are insecure people. They don't feel themselves to be bright and beautiful, or necessarily beloved. So they're always looking for it. And as long as they are looking for it, they work at their best capacity. So in that way, their insecurity feeds their talent. ~ Anjelica Huston

I do not believe that actors own the market on insecurity. I possess no acting talent unless one considers the farce I live each and every day of my life. I think that it would shock some people (at least the ones that do not know me well) to know that I constantly question everything I do and basically think I never measure up. I worked myself up into such a frenzy yesterday that I literally ended up with a stomachache (is that ulcer finally materializing?). I had a standard first-quarter conference with Son's kindergarten teacher scheduled for 2:45. Even though he's had excellent papers and positive comments on every progress report, I was terrified that I was going to hear some horribly negative information that would reflect on my poor parenting skills. I had braced myself for Daughter to bring home a less than stellar 6th grade report card. She is very independent these days and I really don't see any work and middle school just doesn't communicate with parents the way elementary school does. A poor report card would not only affect how her new administrators and teachers viewed her, it would reflect on my inept parenting. Sad how in my mind all of these things revolve around me. Not only that, yesterday the teachers who turned in their National Board materials in March found out their results. Out of all the candidates from the island, only one earned it. I was so tense waiting for THEIR results. For someone like me who questions her every move, all I could think all day was, "What the hell am I doing?!" I constantly think about National Boards. I dream about it and I cannot block it out of my mind. It is Saturday morning and the sun hasn't even risen and I am persevering about it. My stomach is churning and I am on the verge of tears thinking about how horrendous it will be to open that site next year and find out that my insecurities have become reality. Is it normal to be so negative? Is it normal to always think that everything I do is never good enough even when I have written proof professing the opposite (grades, evaluations, compliments, etc.)? Case in point: I turned in my Entry 4 (Accomplishments and Contributions - or something to that effect) rough draft to our local facilitator at our last county Nat. Board (NB) meeting. She returned it this week with many positive comments. She was impressed with my accomplishments and said it was well-written. Could I even accept this? No. Even though this chick has gotten certified herself and has been selected to be the county facilitator (serving in this capacity for quite some time), I initiated a frantic questioning of other people as to whether or not they find her to be valid. I am STILL not confident that it is decent and not sure at all that the "accomplishments" I've listed are worthy. I have debated in my mind why I am reacting this way. Is it because I feel that what I do is just what everyone should be doing? Is this lapse of sanity how most people feel? On my MySpace I have this stupid survey and one of the questions asks what my biggest fear is. My answer? Fear of failing. I fear failure to an obsessive degree...to the point that I can't/don't take pride in the things that I should view as accomplishments. When I receive a pat on the back, I shrug it off because I don't think I deserve it. "Yeah, that was ok, but have you seen how bad I suck at keeping my house in order?" I can combat any compliment with a negative. IS THIS NORMAL?! Nothing I ever do is good enough for me. This sounds bizarre....and I fear that I will sound like a braggart with this next comment.....BUT if I were to list my "accomplishments", give it to someone, and then get it back with someone else's name on it (this sounds totally stupid - like I wouldn't recognize my own stuff), I would think that that person was successful. With my name on it, it looks as impressive as a grocery list. Being in this NB program is turning into another grad school. It just doesn't bring out the best in me....it triggers my neuroses. Usually they are a bit more dormant....ever-present, but not as pronounced. I just can't stop myself. I even told a friend the other day that I really felt that before I finished my teaching career I would pursue another certification (no, not degree). Luscious will retire before I do and I cannot even fathom working with someone else. We complement each other so well. I cherish our friendship and working relationship. She puts up with my freakish work habits and is right beside me carrying out our elaborate ideas (even on a Friday night @ 9 o'WHAT?!). OK...off topic. The certification I am thinking about would allow me to work with a smaller group of students and would require me to collaborate with all the teachers, but I wouldn't be at one particular grade level. Yes, this could solve the dilemma I will eventually face: teaching without Luscious, BUT it will put me right back into the formal education setting. HMMM. I think I've hit a wall. I can't think of anything else to write and the "voices" are reminding me of all I need to do today/this weekend. Blogging, at the moment, is now being shifted to the "what the hell are you doing wasting your valuable time like this when you have your NB, church bazaar, filthy house, and science presentation to prepare" list. I really wish I could be more carefree so I could climb back into bed, but even if I physically do it, it won't be enjoyable because of my nagging mind. Perhaps a more apropos quote would have been:

They're coming to take me away, HA HA
They're coming to take me away, HO HO HEE HEE HA HA
To the funny farm
Where life is beautiful all the time
And I'll be happy to see
Those nice, young men
In their clean, white coats
And they're coming to take me away, Ha-haaa!

Halloween Howls

Well I was born in a small town
And I can breathe in a small town
Gonna die in this small town
And that's prob'ly where they'll bury me ~ John Cougar Mellencamp

OK...so it is November and I haven't posted since September. Sorry. I started this "blog thing" after grad school as a way to express myself through writing since I was so accustomed to writing and basically addicted to it. Now, I am attempting to earn National Board Certification and have a lot of writing that I HAVE to do....and it keeps me quite busy. SO....please forgive my lack of attention to my blog. My writing is due March 31. Then, I have to take a written test. THEN, and this will be an enormous test in patience for me, I have to wait and wait and freakin' wait some more for the results (which won't come out until DECEMBER 2008). Only 30% of the candidates earn it the first time so I have a feeling that this will have my nerves RAW until December 2009 (after I retake the parts that I suck on). ANYWAY....enough of the pity party for now.

THE GOOD STUFF: Halloween was so much fun this year!!! The past two years Ethel and I partake of some liquid refreshments as we make our way around the neighborhood with our children (and her hubby Fred.....Hubby stays here to hand out candy). We meet and greet a large number of neighbors. We always have something to complain about. Last year it was cold. This year the mosquitoes were ferocious!!!!!!!!!! I think I was Daughter's hero when I threw some frozen beverage at a nasty child who whipped her with a jump rope about a month ago (hmm....life is always interesting with children). It was all in fun....Ethel even joined in. As much as I love going to "the real world" to shop and see what kind of things I'm "missing" by living on a barrier island, I adore where I live. Some locals took a bunch of pictures of trick-or-treaters and posted a slide show on the Island Free Press (the online news magazine for our area). It makes my heart smile to look at the pictures of all these children having a blast on Halloween. I am even more fortunate to say that I actually KNOW almost all of these people. Small town life is glorious!

btw.....Daughter and Ethel's son are in the 2nd pic on the slide show....my little darling (the amputation doctor complete with severed limb and bloody cleaver) is chopping off his head; Ethel's twin girls are in the 3rd pic; Darth Vader (several pics later) is mine....he's so "big" now that he went trick-or-treating with a friend and his family. Where does time go?

Moonlight and Mosquitoes and Ghost Crabs - Oh My!

While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about. ~Unknown

Forever and a day ago I was selected as the school's Teacher of the Year (TOY, as we jokingly refer to it). It's one of those "honors" that is intended to recognize one's accomplishments, but leads to an abundance of "duties". There is this "packet" that must be completed prior to the fun-filled interview. This "packet" requires one to spend an extraordinary amount of time writing essays about her philosophy of education and how she puts it into practice. Sounds like good stuff, huh? One particular essay truly got me going. I cannot remember the prompt and I haven't read it in years (even though I recently dug out my packet for Lucky Luscious who received the honor of completing the packet this year - yay!!!!). However, I think the one essay is one of my favorite pieces of writing I have ever created. I'm not sure if it's that well written, but the emotions I felt and tried to convey in that essay were extremely powerful. Essentially, I tied my feelings towards education to an experience that I had on a "turtle watch" with my younger brother. (turtle watch: sea turtles lay their eggs on our beaches. the park service marks the nests and ropes them off from the rest of the beach. they calculate - to the best of their abilities - when the turtles will hatch and get volunteers to sit with the nests to assist the turtles to the ocean.) It is an amazing experience! I have spoken about turtle watching for years. Daughter has an affinity for all living creatures and hopes to be a veterinarian someday. She has eagerly awaited the day when she would be able to go on a turtle watch.....last night was the night. Honestly, after a long week at work, it was not at the top of the list of things to do on Friday night....a 45 minute drive each way, having to be on the damp beach from approx. 7 until 12am (of course the rain we need so desperately happened to fall yesterday and threatened throughout the evening), traipsing through the vegetation to get to the beach, BUGS.....get the picture?! Nonetheless, I was willing to sacrifice my own selfish desires for rest to go to the turtle watch with Daughter. Rather than coming home before the big event (b/c it's 15 minutes AWAY from our destination), we remained at school (it wasn't like I didn't have a TON of stuff to do there!!) and then went to dinner. I couldn't think about the last time that Daughter and I actually went to dinner together! We asked each other Trivial Pursuit questions that were on the table and giggled about dumb girl stuff. Due to my miscalculation of time, we had to rush to pick up my brother....not allowing enough time for a last pit stop (which I regretted later as I had to "visit the dunes") or drinks.....not that Daughter really wanted one once she heard that our nests were not even remotely close to the rest area at Pea Island Refuge. It was dusk as we parked the car on the side of the road and trekked through the underbrush to the wide, flat expanse of the beach. In the distance we saw our fellow turtle-watchers and briskly walked to meet them. The four of them had already set up the fencing around the nests leading to the ocean. It is intended to reduce the predators (mainly ghost crabs) and assist the turtles to their destination. There was just enough light left to make out the fencing and nests as it was still quite overcast. The oldest woman in the bunch let Daughter listen through a stethoscope that was buried into the sand. Every now and then we could make out "scratching" noises as the tiny turtles circled their flippers to dig themselves out of their sandy nest. With no visible evidence of turtles and the vicious attack of starving mosquitoes desiring our blood as nourishment, we walked away from the nests that were close to the dunes and set up "camp" about halfway between the dune line and the ocean. We sprayed ourselves with insect repellent (30% DEET) which just didn't seem to do the trick quickly enough. My brother had some device that warmed a scent that was intended to repel them.....that seemed to work for a bit. Gradually as we talked and caught up on the events in our lives, breathing in the fresh, salty air laced with the stench of Chip's cigars, (and talking to Hubby on the cell phone - no, I couldn't totally abandon modern life for an evening), the clouds cleared to reveal an array of stars. The beach was illuminated by the suns rays reflecting off the moon. Periodically we checked on the nests. We could still hear scratching (the one woman....the oldest one who I shall refer to as Black Lung b/c her smoker's cough made Daughter and I into giggle fits while devising new nicknames for her....the night would be silent until the hacking began....Brother even said that in the light of day she reminded him of Magda from There's Something About Mary.....was even timing the sound of activity as if she were timing labor contractions), but saw no evidence of turtles. Daughter and I continued to lie on the beach gazing at the beauty of the stars, giddy as we saw shooting stars and UFO's (ha ha) gliding through the air. Ghost crabs were scurrying all over the beach. Their speed is amazing and they seem to glide over the sand rather than scurry over all the indentations. During one lull in the conversation I felt something on my leg. I figured it was just another bug or my imagination. Alas not! It was at least one ghost crab (there may have been two since there were two together when the flashlight was directed at my legs). That sent Daughter into one of the chairs we had lugged with us. As the time drifted by, the night air grew damper and cooler. The wind shifted and brought yet another attack of the vicious bugs. At some point Brother went and hung out with the other group of people. Our exhaustion began to take over and Daughter returned to the blanket on the ground. We snuggled together (a treat as any parent of a tween knows) and tried to listen, but couldn't make out most of the conversation.....with the exception of the phlegmy coughs leading to more nicknames. We didn't need to worry about her approaching unexpectedly since more often than not the glow of her cigarette allowed us to track her. I guess we stink at turtle watching because we both drifted off for a short bit of time. Thank goodness for the others because we would have been goners between the blood-thirsty bugs and the ghost crabs. ;0) I know I wasn't asleep long, but it was actually restful and delightful to nap under the stars on the serene beach. When I awoke, I heard Black Lung speculating that the turtles would emerge around 3 am. 3am?! I desperately hoped that she was not going to be a die-hard turtle watcher, determined to stay despite the fact that we could leave at midnight. As badly as I wanted Daughter to experience the nest "boil", I wasn't sure if we were prepared to stay until 3. Black Lung and the rest of the entourage decided to call it a night! YAY! We rolled up the fencing. When I went to put the roll where it belonged, there was Black Lung taking one last listen and pounding the sand. I think she was trying to make the turtles pop through the sand. My thought: WHY? We just disassembled the fences!!! Everyone gathered their belongings and hiked back to the road. It was a peaceful, enjoyable night. Although it was late and I was exhausted and had a long drive, I couldn't help but think about that essay I had written years ago about my brother and me on the turtle watch. My heart smiled thinking about how Daughter was now a part of it as well. No turtles? No problem. The whole evening was one I will cherish for years to come and that's what is most important to me.....except there is another opportunity to go next Friday night...............

Surreal

O Lord, with your eyes you have searched me, kindly smiling, have spoken my name.
Now my boat's left on the shoreline behind me; by your side I will seek other seas.
~ Cesareo Gabarain

I sat listening on the bench facing the front as were all the others. The building was familiar in that I felt that I had been there before (when actually I have never seen or been to this place before). I glanced to the right. In the middle of the seating area were 5 headbands adorned with flowers and ribbons paying homage to the memory of 5 girls who sat there many years ago as children. I was frustrated because I couldn't figure out who the 5 were. I only could think of 3. I turned to my left and there he was. Clear as a bell. I reached over to comfort him and when I touched his arm, the phone blared and woke me up, immediately transporting me from a dream into reality.....only to find out that the person I had just touched in my dream was at peace.....Gene had just died. I know he visited me on his way Home. My overly analytical mind has come up with a few reasons WHY, but despite the reason, I feel blessed. As devastating as this is, it is just one more confirmation of faith. The peace that has enveloped us as we have prayed together as a family proves the power of God's love. My mind is racing right now and is filled with a zillion thoughts comparing this situation to the situation I experienced when my mom died. I don't think I can express my thoughts properly in writing, so I will keep them to myself for now.....ready to share at a later date. For now, just pray. Pray for RA. Pray that I can follow through on my word. Pray that we, as a family, can weather yet another "storm".

Rambling

Hope is necessary in every condition. The miseries of poverty, sickness, of captivity, would, without this comfort, be unsupportable. ~ Samuel Johnson

First, I am appalled that I have not written since July. I have entries I have begun, but not completed. I am SLACKING! Or....maybe I'm just relaxing a bit more and have nothing to rant about. Despite the cause, I am horrified.

Now, what has prompted me to commence writing. I don't even feel like I can go into full detail...I'm a bit drained at the moment. I have actually had to begin transforming from Summer Sloth to Workaholic Witch....school responsibilities in Nags Head (120 miles round trip) three times this week (2 down, 1 more to go). Upon returning today, I found out that a girl that I went to high school with had been in a diabetic coma since Monday. She is a year older than me and has a daughter who, I think, is starting high school this year. Hubby grew up with her. She still isn't out of the woods as far as her health issues so please keep her in your prayers. After finding out that news, I found out that our 23 yr. old cousin may have MS. She has a 4 yr. old daughter. Some more tests are going to be done so please keep her in your prayers as well.

Completely random comment here: I just got contacts. I have my week-check-up tomorrow. I plan to discuss this with the dr., but I also thought I'd get some info from all you contact wearers who read my drivel. After wearing the lenses for a bit, is it normal for you to feel like there's an eyelash or something in your eye? Are my eyes not moist enough? Any advice?