Reason, Season, Lifetime

"People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person."~ unknown

Once again I have checked in on this blog to find that it has been an incredible amount of time since I posted.  It may be that I have been using my Facebook to release my written ramblings.  Once again I am compelled to write, but am wary of using FB as my platform.  Perhaps I should be wary of this as well, but only a few people know of this one and, due to my absence, probably aren't even reading this any longer.  So, hey, I'm on here for now or at least until I figure out where the proper forum for me is. 

I selected the title and quote for this because I've been reflecting on myself as a friend lately.  What I have concluded is that I'm the friend that provides the comic relief.  When things get serious, I am the one that is driven to find the comedy in the situation or link the situation to something that will lighten the mood.  I am there for my friends, but desperately need to find something to bring about laughter.  It may be inappropriate, but that is the service I provide.  I can be serious, but even while being serious, I ultimately HAVE to relate to something comedic.  It's my survival mechanism I guess. 

Due to an onslaught of negative news lately, I have been trying to find humor as well as a way to use humor to brighten someone's spirits and to keep me from sinking into a personal abyss of sadness.  For me to be excessively morose is not how I work nor is it what I think my friends expect from me.  I will be the one to enhance the inappropriate to make others laugh and smile.  To alter my role would not fulfill my typical role. The only thing I have succeeded in is becoming reclusive, spending time alone with my own thoughts and trying to muster up the strength to be a supportive friend.  I have found few solutions and a heightened level of stress.  

I apologize for the "stream of consciousness" rambling, but I am searching for a solution to a dilemma.

When I end up publishing my thoughts in writing on FB, I am often told that I should write a book.  People seem to enjoy the insane things I write.  I would love to write, but what in the hell would I actually publish?  My best writings start out small inside my soul and build until I finally find the words and organize them and set them free.  I never know when the mood will hit or what will result.  It's done through sheer compulsion.  It is never done out of duty.  My kind of writing is not something that would result in a novel.  I could not meet a deadline with quality work because I must FEEL it and write it as it comes.  So, that leaves me to do it without financial compensation, but a retention of my sanity...which I guess is a definite plus.  Today I was hit with the notion of sharing something daily that I find humorous or ridiculous so I can uplift myself and anyone who decides to read it.  I want to focus on the fun in life and the comedy that can be found to lighten most situations.  I want to bring joy to someone for a moment in a genuinely unhappy situation.  I haven't quite figured out HOW to accomplish this.  I don't want it to be out there for everyone on FB (who would probably judge me and have me committed), but I also want to reach my "lifetime" friends who can use a dose of comedic medicine.  Should I use THIS blog or create another and only share the address with a few?  So much to figure out.  Anyway, mulling this over and putting it out into the world so maybe, just maybe, I can settle on a solution that satisfies my plagued mind. 

OK, so this is not one of my best writings, but it has purged the need to express myself.  Has it reduced my inner turmoil?  Not really.  Well, it was worth a try.  Maybe the effect will hit later. 

The Vent? The Rant? Not Now...

"You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you "
~Ray Bradbury

Wow!  Has it really been THAT long since I have written on here?  It is hard to believe that something I so passionately and frequently used at one point in my life has now become something so foreign.  Thanks to my friend Shay (who posted the quote for this entry on my Facebook wall), my drive to write on here today must be somehow related to a fear of reality destroying me...figuratively more-so than literally.  I tend to perseverate on things when I am stressed or worried...I am consumed to the point of not being able to sleep.  Sometimes writing helps.  This morning I awoke with a NEED to write about the particular stress-invoker of the last week.  Unfortunately, I did not have the time to "write it out" because I had to leave for work.  Fortunately, being at school today was delightful and distracted me.  Now, I am much calmer and not feeling the passion for composing the crazed social commentary I was about to unleash.  So, for now, I am not going to attempt it.  It will not live up to what I had hoped so I am not going to attempt it.

Not Feelin' It

We're not worthy!!! ~ Wayne and Garth

OK...here's the situation...I have been honored with a county teaching distinction and have to apply to go further in this thing. I am having an incredibly hard time composing the narratives for the application. Each time I look at the questions that I have to answer and make myself look worthy of the present distinction and even more attractive to the next group of people, I am drawing a blank. The stuff I have is lousy and I cannot think of things to add to bolster it. If it was a distinction for another area, I could go to town on it...but I honestly don't think that this is an area where I truly shine. I don't feel as passionately about it as I do other areas. I'm not even on the curriculum committee for this area. Oh, well. Maybe I can at least make this an opportunity to work harder in this area. BLAH!!!!!!!!!!! I think I'll do the best I can and then take it to some colleagues to help me...maybe they see something else that I don't. :(

Roast?

Roast: informal...to ridicule or criticize harshly...a facetious tribute, as at a banquet, in which the honoree is alternately praised and insulted~the freedictionary.com

Which definition is the most accurate? You be the judge!

Thank you for allowing me the distinct pleasure of being a part of this prestigious event. What a fabulous opportunity to reunite our honoree with a secret guest from his past (reveal box). Eight years ago I agreed to reveal to our guest of honor how I came to acquire this fine piece of craftsmanship. Until now, I had not kept up my part of the bargain. After hearing about this, I immediately knew that there was no better way to honor both the guest of honor and my secret. After wondering where the contents of this box were for 2 years, thinking it was somehow MY fault that they had not materialized, MY family (also known as Hubby's family), knowing my heartache over not knowing where the contents of this box was, made it their personal goal to put an end to my suffering. The contents of this box were sitting on a shelf at the funeral home. With the help of some amazing people, the balance of the bill was handled and I was finally at peace having possession of her remains, knowing that she was finally being honored in a respectful way. (Look at honoree) Did you ever wonder where she was or why the bills stopped coming? (Look at new one) My advice to you? Make sure your affairs are in order so this fate doesn't fall upon you...unless an eternity of sitting in a plastic bag on a shelf sounds enticing to you. LAUGHTER Now that I have your attention, I'd also like to take a moment to introduce you to your grandchildren...these are the children who live here year-round...they, like the grandchildren that visit a few times per year, like to go to the beach and go fishing. And now that you have a few moments to relax, and I have taken a considerable shorter amount of time than alotted, I hope you enjoy listening to one of the selections your granddaughter played in the all-district band...I know finding 8 minutes in your busy life to merely listen to the performance is extremely difficult. Don't worry...I wouldn't dream of making you listen to the other 3 selections. LEAVE THE BUILDING

This is Why You Suck

I'm a Tar Heel born, I'm a Tar Heel bred.
And when I die, I'm a Tar Heel dead.
So it's rah-rah, Car'lina-'lina!
Rah-rah, Car'lina-'lina!
Rah-rah, Car'lina-'lina!
GO TO HELL, DUKE!

To my Duke friends who respectfully engage in the rivalry, please know this is not directed toward you...basically, THIS particular rant is the result of one Duke fan who would be an embarrassment to have representing either camp. Years ago Luscious and I (both Carolina fans) celebrated the rivalry and engaged in all sorts of infantile antics with our former assistant principal, Lloyd. He is a Duke fan, proudly displaying that fact by hanging a Duke pennant in his office. Luscious and I snuck in there one day and childishly covered the "D" with a "P". We would enter our classrooms to find articles or quotes on our chalkboards (yes, dating myself by mentioning a CHALKboard). Healthy, fun-filled celebration of the rivalry. Sometimes we would get the students involved...but nothing nasty. I remember doing some craft project in Luscious's classroom and the kids had a choice between yarn colors...of course we joked about the Carolina Blue yarn being the best (and considering we were dealing with 6 and 7 yr. olds, most of them agreed with us). Yes, we got the kids a bit riled up and it was, to a degree, a bit of brainwashing...but harmless non-the-less. Working with us was Spring. She is a Duke fan. The yarn thing and the kids cheering for UNC was clearly displeasing to her. I'm not sure exactly what basketball season it was...somewhere in the mid-to-late 90's...the joking got pretty heated...BUT IN COMPLETE, MUTUALLY UNDERSTOOD, GOOD-NATURED FUN. Luscious and I would devise ways to jab at Lloyd and he would devise ways to jab at us...it made the workplace fun. I'm always up for SOME kind of infantile antics. Well, I don't exactly know why, but Spring got terribly nasty about the whole thing...telling us that we needed to stop before someone got their feelings hurt. Luscious, Lloyd, and I KNEW it was all fun and games...ridiculous amusement among ourselves. Other than an occasional verbal quip, we did not deface any of her things. It was not all one-sided either...she made remarks as well. However, the antics were mainly between Luscious, Lloyd, and me. One day she REALLY got ill about the situation. Her nastiness led to the end of our joy. It was no longer fun to receive the anti-Carolina propaganda knowing that there would be a pout and/or lecture from her. We basically told Lloyd that we had to cease and desist because Spring was making it so miserable for us EVEN WHEN WE WERE LAUGHING about receiving anti-Carolina material. It was a healthy, jovial exchange BUT THEN SOMEONE HAD TO RUIN IT!!! Although it never did entirely end, it just wasn't the same. Having to hide our antics and verbal exchanges from Spring took the fun out of it. Even in later years, it never reached the frenzy it had been...it was the end of an era. What I find completely annoying about the situation TO THIS DAY is that whenever it works in HER favor, Spring goes out of her way to rub Duke in my face. After her childish tantrum, I NEVER again mentioned Carolina/Duke to her. Not to say I haven't refuted a comment or retaliated with a snippy remark, but NOTHING compared to what I COULD be doing or saying. AND I never initiate an attack. To this day I swear it was jealousy over being left out of the juvenile antics that incited her fit, but I truly do not care what prompted it. What irritates me now is that she is the one that STILL dishes it out...even though SHE was the one who put an end to it. So, once again making what COULD have been a short story into a long one, I was COMPLETELY pissed off this morning when I checked my Facebook to see that she had posted on one of my comments. I wrote as my status:

Anyone remember the THIS IS WHY YOU SUCK song? PERFECT for tonight!

I am familiar enough with the rivalry to know that anything one says or does can easily turn around and bite you in the ass (case in point: last night). Yes, this was an anti-Duke sentiment, but veiled...well, until I added a brief explanation to a co-worker who wondered to whom I was directing my comment. Spring wrote, in response to the above post, "WooHoo! Go Duke!" Now, I am NOT saying I didn't deserve some comment, BUT the fact that SHE did it after the bitch-fit from the 90's INFURIATES ME!!!!!!! Either let the game proceed or don't participate at all. DON'T rub my nose in it unless you are willing to receive some smack as well. Wonder what she'll think when she sees my response to her comment: "EFFFFF DUKE....ALL DAY EVERY DAY!!!!!!!!!! BTW, Spring, I find it quite comical how you take the time to personally post on MY wall when it turns out in your favor. I recall you specifically telling us to stop when we celebrated the rivalry years ago...thanks for reaffirming my dedication to my team and confirming my beliefs about certain opposing fans...". Respect the rules of engagement or face the consequences.

Where I Come From....

"That's where I come from, Where I'll be when it's said and done, Well I'm proud as anyone, That's where I come from..."~Kenny Chesney

Where I come from is NOT perfect. It is an isolated strip of sand off the coast of North Carolina. The closest Walmart is over one hour away. The economy is dependent upon the tourism business. When the national economy is bad, our economy is horrendous. Other than Subway, it's an hour to get to any fast food. The winters are desolate and often dreary and cold. The wind howls practically all year. The roads can be flooded with briny water either from the ocean or sound at any time. Most businesses close during the winter. Hurricanes are a constant threat. Drama is abundant, as it is EVERYWHERE (those who don't believe that are fooling themselves). However, it is one of the most beautiful places on Earth! The sunsets are breathtaking! The wildlife is amazing. Dolphins jumping and frolicking off the beach even during the coldest, nastiest days confirms my belief in God. I LOVE living here! It's not for everyone. I believe it takes a certain type of person to happily live here. The desolation is soothing and is a perfect compliment to the crazy pace of summer when all the tourists are here. Knowing I can let my children go anywhere in the village safely is comforting. Anyway, I could babble on for pages about why I love where I live...but that is not getting me to my point: if you don't like it here, MOVE! Highway 12 DOES run north. Those of you who detest being here, and feel the need to constantly bash the lifestyle here, GET THE HELL OUT! Please relieve your own displeasure and stop contributing to ours (referring to those of us who like being here). Quit bitching and do something to remedy your situation. If you hate the school, quit bitching about it on Facebook and take your kids somewhere else (complaining about trail mix...REALLY?!). If you hate the drama, go live in a cave (because drama is everywhere). If you hate the economy, go somewhere that can provide you with a job. This is how the world works here, love it or leave it! Hmmm....didn't realize how angry all those FB posts were making me...ha ha!

Ode to Hubby

Writing is no trouble: you just jot down ideas as they occur to you. ~ Stephen Leacock

Hubby read my posts about the kids. He requested that if I ever wrote about him, could I please wrap it up in a few sentences. My response? SURE! So, basically, I LOVE HIM! DONE! :)

Son

Computer games don't affect kids, I mean if PacMan affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive music. ~ Gareth Owen

On to child number two...my son. The child is a MESS...and I mean that in the most loving way imaginable. He is snuggly, wild, intelligent, headstrong, sensitive, loving, witty, perfectionistic...and apparently FAIR since he is being honored today (Friday) as the 3rd grade student of the month representing the character trait of 'fairness'. I guess we are doing SOMETHING right around here. However, far more often than not, the boy has me shaking my head, futilely acknowledging that I have given up the present battle. He comes to my room many days after school, when I am READY for some "down time" after wrangling 1st graders all day. Contrary to my mental state, he is READY TO GO...not to a destination...just ready to move, make noise...anything boisterous. After sitting still and quiet all day, he is about to BURST! But if he is well-behaved and studious all day, I shouldn't complain. I love him fiercely...from that blond hair to the very tip of his toes. His smile melts my heart. He has a wide array of interests for a 9 year old who thinks he is a teenager deserving of all the rights, privileges, and freedom of a teenager. He has a sharp wit about him that sometimes leaves me in shock. During soccer season he and I were at a varsity game. A student of mine had entertained us all by fessing up to her family that she had accidentally said a bad word. The mom (trying to avoid getting into the specifics of 'the word' in the stands) said that they would talk about what she had said later. At that, the child stated, "I said 'shit'." Yes, the parents were ALL trying NOT to react and to keep the giggles under control. At the end of the game the child was complaining that she was thirsty and needed a drink. Knowing the child, I told her that the reason she was so thirsty was because saying bad words makes you thirsty. Out of nowhere Son appeared and busted me: "That's not true...you never complain about being thirsty or having a dry mouth." I was now the brunt of the giggles from the other parents. Yes, he knew EXACTLY what he was doing the entire time. Yup, he comes by it naturally...I even laughed myself. He strives to do well in school...all work must be done well and on time. He's probably afraid NOT to after witnessing all the drama that we sometimes face concerning his sister's work ethics. He plays soccer and basketball...baseball, not surprisingly, is too slow for him....he's a fast-paced kind of guy. The only time he "walks" is in school DURING regular school hours. Otherwise, he is running, jumping, skipping...ALL BOY ALL THE TIME! He has recently taken up hunting with my brother. He loves spending time with his uncle, being outside, and handling the weapons. I'm sure he likes the killing aspect as well (although I try not to think about that). Winter is the season of the XBOX. Like a bear, he hibernates in his room (aka the cave) and plays games with online "friends". He is technologically savvy, blasting away at zombies and Lord knows what else while blaring this iPod. Typically, he plays one song over and over and over until I finally explode. He recently had Ethel and I laughing while discussing one game he and Son of Ethel play. I am not proud to say that Son has a Grand Theft Auto game. It's a long story as to how it came to be and it is one battle that I have lost. ANYWAY, in this particular game, the gamer can kill prostitutes (please, no comments on this one). He was talking about playing this game and I asked if Son of Ethel killed the prostitutes. He matter-of-factly told me that Son of Ethel did not because he didn't know how to use them as a shield and toss them. No, I didn't laugh in front of him, and it wasn't a regular laugh - it was one of those "laugh in disbelief" kind of laughs...the kind where you are astonished because you have just heard something that you never thought you'd ever hear. I console myself by thinking that he is taking a moral stand against prostitution...yes, I know I'm kidding myself. ;) The kid also LOVES art! One of his favorite gifts for Christmas was his art kit filled with paint, pastels, colored pencils, paper, etc. all in a box that converts into an easel. He has had school artwork featured in the county school art show a few times. One night at Ethel's he and one of her daughters (his partner in crime...we refer to them as the double D's b/c both their names begin with D) spent HOURS outside on the porch IN THE COLD, mind you, creating. It was definitely one of those "ah, look at how entertained they are by a positive activity...we're doing a stellar job as parents" kind of moments. Summer is HIS season...he and I live for the beach. I live for the warmth and the sunshine and my summer friends while he lives for the surf. The boy is a fish and stays in the water just about all day surfing, boogie boarding, swimming, snorkeling...if he's not in the water (which is rare), he is eating or walking with the pack of kids that we have in tow (the kids ALWAYS outnumber the adults...one day there were over 20 kids in our group and MAYBE 6 adults). He loves to be at the dock to see the daily catch and to wash his daddy's boat. The mate usually gives him some cash for helping...man, is he proud of that money he's earned. Plus it helps him feed his XBOX addiction. Unlike his sister, I have no idea what he hopes to be when he grows up. He is too much on the move to ponder that one. Thanks to my niece and his dedication to picking on us, he claims to be a Duke fan. He's lucky we still provide shelter, food, and clothing (JUST KIDDING). However, he dons Carolina clothing, paired with surf attire, most of the time. He says he likes both and still hasn't learned that it is impossible to do that (ha ha...we are constantly joking around this place). In addition to his WILD side, he is compassionate, loving, and well-mannered. His eyes sparkle. He is generous with hugs and will still snuggle with me. Sometimes we both snuggle up and read together (separate books at this point). I love him to the moon and back...infinitely.

Daughter

Adolescence is a period of rapid changes. Between the ages of 12 and 17, for example, a parent ages as much as 20 years. ~Author Unknown

It's amazing to me how infinite love is. I absolutely adore my daughter with every ounce of my being, yet still have enough love for so many others. Since it has been such a long time since I've written, I'm going to "borrow" from a friend and fellow blogger and highlight each of my
children. Daughter goes first for two reasons: 1) birthright and 2) she reaches another milestone tomorrow [her FIRST day of the driving portion of Driver's Ed]. I am excited, scared, and in complete disbelief that I have a child on the threshold of being an official driver!! When I think back over the past 15 years I cannot help but think about the movie Parenthood. It's one of my all-time favorites and I often quote it in my everyday life. The scene to which I refer at this moment is when the grandmother is talking about the roller coaster: "You know, it was just so interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick, so excited, and so thrilled all together! Some didn't like it. They went on the merry-go-round. That just goes around. Nothing. I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it." I know exactly how she feels. Each day is a new adventure filled with a wide range of emotions. Without further rambling, Daughter is in the 9th grade and 15 years old. She is still my sunshine even though I wouldn't embarrass her by saying it publicly. She does well in school, plays in the bands [clarinet for marching and high school bands; saxophone for the jazz band], plays volleyball in the fall, and plays basketball [this year she played both varsity and jv due to #'s] in the winter. She makes me laugh and I love to spend time with her. Lately, our "thing" is to veg out in front of the tv during the weekends watching stuff we DVR or something (usually lame) from Netflix. We always watch The Big Bang Theory and SNL. We like to bash Zac Bagans on Ghost Adventures. Probably not the BEST thing we could be doing, but it's winter and we are on the go all week between all the activities. At this stage of the game I am thankful that she still will spend so much time with me. I hope we are truly as close as I think we are. We talk pretty openly...probably shockingly to some, but I firmly believe that open conversation is key in parenting a teen. One thing we don't do so well together is shop. I do not know why, but somewhere during a shopping excursion, there is going to be a disagreement. It's a given. She loves the Heels, but doesn't plan to go there. She has her sights set on State. Yes, my blood runs blue, but her happiness is my happiness. She is a text-aholic as most teens are. I love her giggle, her purposely mismatched socks, and the feisty look she gets on her face when she's playing defense against an Amazon. She loves unicorns, Skittles, Salt-n-Vinegar chips, pepperoni out of the package, and Pepsi. She occasionally wears makeup, is best friends with the flat iron (even though it is not even close to being curly...well, maybe a little wavy), takes marathon showers (with the music blaring...she ruined the remote control that came with her boom box that plays her iPod...is it even CALLED a boom box these days?), says exactly what's on her mind, and is generous with hugs. She eats venison with her uncle. In the summer she is a research assistant with Gayle Plaia from State. She collects and records data and samples of oysters. I love to watch her when she is in her 'scientist' mode. She auditioned for District Band last year which totally amazed me...she is sooooo much like me when it comes to public events. Although she did not make the band, I was incredibly proud of her for trying. She auditioned again this year AND MADE IT! I am so excited about the concert in Greenville on Feb. 5. I am in awe of her. She is strong-willed and tenacious, loving and tender-hearted. Her sense of humor fits in perfectly in this household...so much so that sometimes I worry about what she might say in public. Her musical taste is varied. Sometimes I like it and download it to my personal iPod, other times it makes me want to freak out (yes, that would be the genre that contains what I call GROWLING). Rap, country, oldies (for her generation that is music from MY generation), growling...just to name a few. New Year's Eve was different this year as she went to a band party (supervised by a fellow band parent, of course...I know what I was up to at 15 and that is not gonna happen around here - not that she displays ANY sign of wanting to go out and get into "mischief"). And yes, I have punctuated the best...rest assured, it's not all happiness and fun...we have our fair share of wicked times where we both act less than civil (Hubby will be laughing about my written description about this one). Another thing I have learned about mothering is the intense emotion that can erupt and burst forth because of wanting the absolute best for a child...my "rages" are spurred by the deep passion I have for her to succeed in her endeavors. I am sure some of my best will be shared among friends in college while she and her friends swap stories of their lame parents. Having experienced this myself, I know that it will basically be an odd form of flattery. I love her more than chocolate....and tomorrow my baby drives. I will age 20 years JUST TOMORROW! (I began this yesterday and didn't get a chance to post...rather than alter it, I am just adding this addendum...SHE DRIVES IN LESS THAN 2 HOURS!)

Day of Discontent

Now is the winter of discontent. ~ William Shakespeare

Don't know why, but I woke up a grouch and have pretty much remained a grouch. Once it started, it snowballed. I have been near tears most of the day: my foul mood, some junk at work, friends dealing with sickness...although the sun was out, it was a dreary day. Today was the kind of day that I yearned to be one of those people that clearly don't care about anything. How lovely it would be to adopt the "I don't give a shit" attitude. OK...I know I'm wandering. My silver lining (prior to stepping over the threshold of my haven) was the end of my work day. It was fabulous....and NO, not because I was leaving. It was constructive, fun, and offered a glimmer of hope for repairing a less than stellar situation. Before I go back downstairs to socialize with the fam, I am going to try to turn this melancholy day into something a bit more positive. So, I am going to end this entry with a quote of positivity. Yes, this is an oddity for me and my cynical outlook, but I'm attempting to lift my spirits for those that truly matter most.

Restlessness is discontent and discontent is the first necessity of progress. ~ Thomas A. Edison

Old Friend

"The best things in life come in threes, like dreams, friends, and memories." ~ unknown

Recently, the friend who introduced me to the world of blogging, began blogging again. As I read through her words, I realized how much I'd missed her words. Then, I began thinking about this blog. As I visited my dear friend (yes, this blog), I forgot how much I used her to express my joys, disappointments, memories, random rants, etc. I smiled while reminiscing. How in the world did I EVER stop this?! It's sad how life gets in the way of living sometimes. So, at this moment, I am rededicating myself to this blog. My mission is to create an entry...uh-oh, this is the scary part where I have to actually make a commitment to a specific number of times I plan to write and hope that it becomes more than that...hmmm...should I set an attainable goal or one that will really challenge me? OK...I've always been up to a challenge...my goal is to post once per week. Now that it's in writing, it's a done deal...and look, I've already posted once this week! YAY ME!

Whiny McWhiner

"All I want is a little of the good life
All I need is to have a good time, oh, the good life" ~ Three Days Grace

I have an incredible life: a loving family, stability, food, shelter, and enough to indulge every now and then (although my definition of "indulge" is probably less indulgent than most would consider "indulgent"). Having said that, I know enough about myself to realize that when things don't go my way or the way I expect, I am severely disappointed and can easily sink into the doldrums...my own personal pity party. I can quickly and easily enumerate every "not-so-good" aspect of my life...mundane things. Why do I do this? Not sure...human nature? Case, in point, my attachment to the Three Days Grace song quoted above. I have so much, but my pity party has me clinging to these lyrics. In preparing for what I thought would be a new chapter of my life, I became reacquainted with this blog and renewed my dedication to it. Maybe that was THE PLAN the entire time...so I would renew my passion for journaling. Maybe the anticipation for the new chapter was meant to make me reflect on my life...which is what I do when I write this blog. I'm not sure why I was tempted by something new, only to find out that it could not happen. Well, it COULD have happened had I been willing to make certain concessions that I just couldn't bring myself to do. Now I am fearful that the new choice I've made (essentially staying with the status quo) is still not the right choice. I was excited about the change...it would have been challenging, yet exhilarating to tackle something new. I had clung to the pros on my "pros and cons" list of why to accept the new...now that the new is not going to happen, the cons are what make the tears flow...they are written in my mind in Sharpie...not a fine pointed one...a BIG THICK-TIPPED, HORRIBLY SCENTED one...and they race through my mine like a stock ticker. With so much to be thankful for and all the blessings I've been granted, I am disgusted with myself for being Whiny McWhiner. I recently read This I Believe II. It is a series of essays written by a wide array of people expressing their belief on life. Some are quite funny and others are so unfathomably heart wrenching. The entire time I was reading, I was thinking what I believe. I believe in THE PLAN. I cannot remember if I've written it on here or if it was just something I composed elsewhere and have since lost, but I honestly believe that there is a PLAN...when looking at the large picture of life, the bad and good things in life (those that occur on a larger scale...not the small events in daily life like breaking a nail...but a death or a disappointment or getting married) are created to prepare for future events. The events are delicately intertwined...like a well-choreographed ballet or musical piece. The sensible part of me knows and believes that this disappointment is merely part of THE PLAN. There IS a reason for this. For now, though, waiting for time to reveal THE PLAN, is hurting me emotionally. Ridiculous, I know. I keep saying that my pity party is over...and I believe it until I start thinking about the whole situation. Then I get angry for feeling this way because there are so many other problems people deal with each day...this is a big fat nothing. I HATE DISAPPOINTMENT!!!!!!!!

Photographs

One picture is worth 1,000 denials. ~ Ronald Reagan

I love photographs. I love posting photos online. I love perusing photos. I'm not saying that I've never been doing less than stellar things in photographs. I don't know if it's the wisdom that comes with age or just common sense that makes me shake my head when I look at photos posted on numerous social sites with young girls making vulgar suggestions (you know what I'm talking about...the V held up to the lips with the tongue dangling out). OK...so now I'm probably sounding like Andy Rooney (I can hear his whining voice echoing in my head as I type), but I have a few comments to make about these pics. ALL media warns about the types of "things" people put out on the web. Colleges and employers police social media sites. Do these girls (and, yes, I am being gender specific since the MAJORITY of pictures I see involve girls making these gestures) KNOW what they are gesturing? I tend to think NOT because of the audience these pictures reach. Do they forget that among the plethora of people they do not know on their FRIENDS list, they are also FRIENDS with adults in the community? Pictures my friends and I took that included any of our more illicit adventures were NOT for adult viewing. In fact, photos of poorer choices have met one of two fates: destruction or storage in highly secret locations. Yes, I know I could NOT look or I could even (gasp) delete these people from my FRIENDS, but as a parent of a teen, I DO like being able to see what is going on in my community. Now that my rant is over, I am heading back to my social network of choice so I can shake my head in horror at more of these pics.

Time marches on and sooner or later you realize it's marching across your face." ~ Truvy Jones (aka Dolly Parton in Steel Magnolias)

Hubby writes his daily fishing report each day using blogspot.com. I happened to notice all the nifty colors and backgrounds available and decided to beautify my blog...I was AMAZED to see that I hadn't posted here since 2008!!!! I don't know how I got out of the habit of pondering life on my blog...perhaps it was my new obsessions with MySpace and ultimately Facebook, my busy life, maintaining my school blog....whatever the reason, beautifying my blogs has re-ignited my interest in documenting and reflecting upon my life through my blog. I even think I can link to my Facebook page....but I guess I'd have to trade anonymity for that...we'll see (I suppose I'm already succumbing to that by linking to Hubby's page to shamelessly promote his business-ha ha). Please be patient while I get back into the groove of my writing style....I'm a bit rusty.

School Daze

What some invent the rest enlarge. ~ Jonathan Swift

Can't say that I am not guilty of passing along rumors. I'm sure most of us are guilty of this as well. Therefore, realize that the tone of this is not anger or anything along those lines. Basically, I'm just setting the record straight. Yes, she went to the office. Yes, she sat in the ISS room, but was not IN ISS. No, she is not in trouble. Sorry to let folks down, but, NO, she was not in a fight. She was not sent home from school. Hubby went to school to discuss the situation. She chose to leave rather than deal with all of the questions once she returned to class. Am I going to elaborate? Not here.

Not Sure What to Call THis ONe

“We cannot tell the exact moment a friendship is formed; as in filling a vessel drop by drop, there is at last a drop which makes it run over; so in a series of kindnesses, there is at last one that makes the heart run over.” ~ unknown

I have suspected for weeks that a friend has been purposefully avoiding me. Then, I even questioned if I was imagining things, tying together an odd assortment of events that really led to nothing. However, I discovered last night that my suspicions were true. I don't know how to repair the situation. We haven't had a fight. We haven't done anything malicious to each other. In fact, the cause of it, from what I understand, is something I cannot undo....and wouldn't. I am fearful that I know the exact moment this friendship took a major blow, unlike the quote above. I honestly do not know how to remedy the situation....guess I'll think on this one for a bit. I miss our friendship and despise the awkwardness that is apparent.

It's a Family Tradition

I'm just carryin' on a family tradition. ~ Hank Williams, Jr.

As I was strolling down the hallway of my school on Tuesday, I noticed the new first grade display: a paper quilt detailing each first grader's Thanksgiving traditions. It is precious....bulletin board paper with hand print turkeys surrounding colorful squares of paper created by each first grader. I searched for Son's. We had been asked to discuss our holiday traditions at home prior to this activity. We talked about the different family members who gather together (usually averaging around 20) and the food we eat. I was confident he would have no problem recollecting the details of our holiday. Imagine my surprise when I find the paper with his name on it with a sentence that reads something along the lines of "My family plays cornhole toss and then we jump on a trampoline." WHAT?! I checked the name on the paper at LEAST three times!! Cornhole toss? I'd never heard of it let alone played it! As far as I knew the word 'cornhole' was synonymous with 'butt hole'!!! Jumping on the trampoline?! We don't own one! Perhaps one year there was jumping, but for most of the boy's life we have eaten at the community building to accommodate our large family: no trampoline! I finally looked up this 'cornhole toss' and find that it is a real activity....nothing to do with butt holes. However, it is still not part of our Thanksgiving repertoire. Perhaps Son is just a visionary like George Costanza's father, the creator of Festivus; rather than continue with the honored tradition of Thanksgiving, we shall now have Cornhole Toss. The Feats of Strength associated with Festivus will be replaced with the Trampoline Jump. I shudder to think what menu items Son will adopt for this holiday. To top it all off, we will have the Liar Liar Pants on Fire portion which Son apparently has mastered. So, family members, enjoy this year's traditional Thanksgiving as it is being replaced by Son's version. Cornhole toss......classic. This is one story that will become part of MY Thanksgiving tradition, "Do you remember the year Son told his first grade class that we play cornhole toss?"

GGGGGGOOOOOTTTTTTT IIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!

I CAN'T EVEN FIND A QUOTE!!!! I GOT IT!!!!!!

The Power

Make people wait for what they want, and you have power over them. ~ unknown

I honestly believe that this is the secret motto of National Board. I submitted my portfolio in March. Then, I took the written test at the assessment center. Since that time I have progressed through many stages:

1. Thank God it's over. I don't give a crap about it any longer!!!

2. Gee, I think I did a good job. I think I may just have a chance.

3. I suck! I am a loser and will not get it. (I alternate between 2 and 3 quite often depending on the level of self-loathing I am experiencing.)

4. I don't care if I ever see the damn scores now that I'm done.

5. Hmm.....aren't those scores due soon?

6. What?! November 21st? Where does it say that? How long do I have to wait? WHEN are they actually going to post the date?!

7. Is it okay to check the site for news of the release date 20 times a day? Do I need to consult professional help for OCD?

Until finally at 4:30-ish today.......

8. The date is posted. It IS tomorrow. I'm going to puke!!!

And that, my friends, is where I stand NOW! My stomach has been a bit uneasy most of the day. I am officially nauseous now. I could easily vomit. As much as I want to know, I DON'T want to know. The scores are available mid-morning tomorrow. I have sworn to myself that I refuse to look while the students are there. I remember last year how sad it was to see excellent teachers not achieve certification. Understandably, they were devastated and had to leave school. I do not want to be seen hysterical (which I'm sure I will be if the result is less than 275). BUT.....can I really make myself wait until after school? I say I can, but do I really have that much willpower? Since there are so many of us waiting, it's tricky to know how to act. How do we let our colleagues know? Joy took the day off. Kinda wish I'd done that now, but I didn't want to needlessly use a day off.....especially since I wasn't completely sure the scores WERE coming tomorrow. I also despise writing lesson plans. It's easier to be in school as opposed to writing DETAILED lesson plans explaining a day's events. So...by this time tomorrow I will know one way or another. I guess I will be back tomorrow to share my news. Until then........

Waiting and Waiting and Waiting

The waiting is the hardest part...~Tom Petty

My new obsession? I guess that should be plural b/c there are two main new ones. One would be my Facebook. I loved MySpace until I got on Facebook and found a bunch of old friends. Now I can't stay away...checking out everyone's quotes, seeing the pics, and sending around flowers, drinks, etc.

The other obsession? Checking the National Boards site to see if they are letting us know the release date of the scores. Is once a day enough? NO! Have they given the smallest hint? NO! All the site says is "on or before Dec. 31, 2008". Local scuttlebutt says that Nov. 21 is the big date. 9AM on a Friday. Can I really wait until after school to check? Should I take the day off? I do not want to ruin my day with my students by reading bad news at 9AM. I really don't know if I can restrain myself until I am out of there. I don't think I want to take a full day off. If I do receive bad news, I will be worthless, though. Oh, what to do, what to do. All this waiting and wondering is really starting to get to me. Yeesh!