How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it.
--Marcus Aurelius
Fortunately I have learned this lesson and rather than coming home today and blasting everyone in my path I calmly explained that I was furious and didn't want to talk about it because I did not want to say something I would regret. My Saturday job conjured up such a violently ill/angry mood today that I thought of at least one dozen reasons to blast whoever happened to jump on the last nerve. The "cleaner" failed to do her job. The front desk at the realty office released the house prematurely causing the tenants to show up while I was still cleaning. The houses I am inspecting cost thousands of dollars to rent for a week. Therefore, when they encounter me doing menial tasks that they would never have to do since they are abounding in money; they feel the need to be quite condescending. I cannot say that they are cruel, just condescending. To them I am some non-educated, impoverished individual that is beneath their social and financial stature. As much as they are spending, I understand that they want everything to be perfect and I'm just the face that's in front of them so I get to deal with them. Perhaps this is just a lesson for me.....showing me how I should be treating others. I guess it's better for me to look at it that way rather than sinking into the depths of "why not me?". I have plenty to be thankful for and appreciative of. Like a friend told me yesterday, "Everyone is twisted." Somewhere in those people's lives is something twisted....it may be below the surface, but it's there. I try not to covet what material things others have, but sometimes I travel down that dark path and wonder why I have to do without certain things. Then after I get to the point where I can check reality clearly, I see all the blessings I have. If I assume the perspective of someone else....a homeless person for instance....my house is fantastic. I am healthy. I am loved. I have what I need. More often than not I am happy and satisfied with my life...it's just the occasional day like this that makes me question and criticize every aspect of it. I figure it's just part of life. So, basically, I am glad that I did not come home and blast people that didn't deserve my wrath when it was me having issues with myself, reacting to the day I had. I did what any gal would do....came home, cried about my internal confusion, listened to appropriate music (when I am angry, there is just something about playing Limp Bizkit's Break Stuff song over and over that finally helps me work through the anger....I don't know if it's the "hard" music or the profuse profanity or the sheer rage that is exemplified in the song that does the trick, but wow does it help - I can't even bring myself to post the lyrics....I think my brother-in-law G would be shocked - I was there when he read the entry about the Sonic shake screwing up my weigh-in and the language I used was mild compared to what's in this song), blogged my feelings, and now I can face the world again. I didn't quit my job (which would only end up hurting More-Than-a-Step-Mom & Dad, in turn hurting me because I do not want to hurt them) and I didn't blast some undeserving individual. When I am that angry I can freak out on someone for something that doesn't warrant a freak out. Now that I am calm, I am going to go chill out. I am sure personal cleanliness will lift my spirits even more. Thus ends another rambling, but introspective, view into my world. Hope you enjoyed the ride.
10 comments:
i have been dealing with this a lot lately mself--people who encounter me and make assumptions based on what i am doing to earn the money i need to fund my life. (try being an admin at a company where you were once an engineer.) it definitely sucks, and no matter how much you KNOW you are better than the treatment you get from such narrow-minded fools, it is very very hard not to let that attitude make you question how you view yourself. i guess my point is--i feel you, man!
music really is a great psychologist--me, i go for rob zombie in those moments. i say-do whatever it takes! an if the profanity is too much for the other people in your life, just remember--hoyt is a 4-letter work, too, babe.
THANKS! I thought of you last night...there was a guy on tv named hoyt. I will always associate that name with you! As for the profanity...G wasn't offended - he kinda giggled about it since I usually don't include it so much in the blog.
Now that I'm away from those asses and had a night to chill with those who DO appreciate me, I am in a much better frame of mind. :0)
Just a few more of those crazy days! You must have worked through it before we went over shirt hunting. I personally don't know how anyone can clean cottages?Think about all the exercise you get going up and down the stairs! A
Something to mull over:
Did you not complain about the "Nazi" worker at the local fast food? Or about the poor service you've receive when you took the kids to camp?
don't worry, k. we all do it - want what we can't have, no matter what we already have! i have so much to be thankful for and so many wonderful people in my life, but it's amazing how i can FIXATE on whatever it is i don't have! and then afterwards, i feel so petty for having done so, especially when i know that there are people who probably look at me and think, wow, look what she has - the same way i look at people that i think have so much and do the same - vicious, ugly cycle! as for the house-renters, i am so impressed with how you took the high road; you put yourself in their shoes (though i'm sure you wouldn't have been condescending) and understood their frustration - how cool are you! plus, you took into account how your actions would affect everyone else in your life - you are my hero today! carolina
ps - forgot about hoyt! that will come in handy down the road, as i don't think "earmuffs" will effective once caroline starts talking!
In response to stumbledupon....Yes, I did complain. However, the issue at hand was not about complaining. It was about treating people disrespectfully and directing anger appropriately. In the fast food situations I refrained from treating anyone in a substandard manner. On the contrary, when faced with a situation that I may be unhappy about, I still TRY (hey, I'm not perfect) to treat people with respect. I may bitch about it later, frustrated, but I do not mistreat the person. Perhaps that is two-faced, but why inflict that person with needless rudeness? In rereading my personal rant, I DID allude to understanding the renters' views as well as using this situation as a lesson: "As much as they are spending, I understand that they want everything to be perfect and I'm just the face that's in front of them so I get to deal with them. Perhaps this is just a lesson for me.....showing me how I should be treating others." Later, after working through my anger, I discussed the situation with Hubby. He was upset that I had been made to feel like shit. My comment back to him basically put him in the situation of the renter....asking him how he would feel shelling out so many thousands of dollars to just RENT the house (not even taking into consideration the cost of food, travel, entertainment, etc.), getting the keys to the house....indicating it was ready, and then finding someone still in it needing more time to prepare it. I defended the renters. This entry was one of the tools I used to get past the initial anger. I do not make a habit of treating individuals in a way that I would not expect to be treated. People talk about people. People complain about people. I am not immune to being talked or complained about. In my ranting about the Wendy's I yearned for the Wendy's Nazi (which, by the way, IS a local joke - similar to the Soup Nazi from Seinfeld). Although frustrated by the slow service at the Wendy's, I NEVER spoke or acted in a nasty way. I was extremely polite, profusely smiled, and was quite chipper to the girl. Even though I was frustrated by the situation, I knew the girl was busting her ass. I failed to mention in the Camp blog that while in line another customer "cut" me in line to ask for granola for her child's yogurt. The girl behind the counter politely told her that they were out. The customer was extremely nasty about it. I felt terrible for the girl. It was not her fault there was no granola. At the customer's insistence, the girl even checked the "drive thru" window. The woman never once thanked the girl for looking or showed any common courtesy. To me, it was unacceptable. Complaining about something and actually treating individuals in a substandard way are, to me, two completely different things. I do not believe that I need to heed your advice to mull over my previous complaints seeing as I did ponder perspective during my rant. As I stated at the outset of my response, this was not an issue with complaining...it had to do with respect for others. Thanks for reading and offering your opinion. :0)
Coming from someone else who did the "cleaning thing", I understand your feelings. There were a few times that I had the tenants walk in on me and want me to hurry up or reclean something. I never felt as low or demeaned as those folks could make me feel. I would never treat and never do treat anyone like they are inferior (even when they are! JK). Long live the Wendy's Nazi!
As an ex-cleaner myself, I can relate to you. The thing that most of the "tourists" and the "stumbledupon" don't seem to realize is that the people that do the jobs on this island are not scum of the earth...most of us have other jobs as well as the "weekend" jobs. It's not a fun job, but it is one that a family can do together or a mom can take her children to when she can't afford childcare, etc. I cleaned for 5 years when I finally couldn't take the rudeness anymore. Besides, someone has to clean up after the holier than thou types that rent these houses, since they don't seem to have the sense enough to do the things that they should do.
Hey stumbledupon,
Fuck off!
gotta love hubby...saying what really needed to be said....and taking up for his woman. :0) love ya, nook!
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